The Toronto Maple Leaf (Image courtesy GME)
Fans of both hockey and comic books—yes, they do exist—have been buzzing ever since the NHL announced it would partner with comic legend Stan Lee to create 30 superheroes, one to match up with each NHL team. The Guardian Project, as this endeavour is known, has had a slow build to Sunday’s all-star game, when all of Lee’s creations appeared as 3-D projections over the rink at Raleigh’s RBC Centre. Though the quality of the motley assortment of characters varies wildly, there’s no denying that Toronto’s Maple Leaf is the worst of the bunch.
To get a sense of what the poor Maple Leaf is up against, check out our slide show with our rating of each Guardian (hilariously, all quotes are directly from the official descriptions) »
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Look at the bearded face and those cute cat-eye goggles: The Wild is clearly a hipster in disguise, and no amount of whirling or celestial incinerating will convince us otherwise. Seriously, he’s just mad because he hasn’t had his Americano yet.
RATING: 3/5
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This “big shouldered friend of the windy city” can, unsurprisingly, control the wind. Sorry Stan, but adding big shoulders to Iron Man does not an original superhero make.
RATING: 2/5
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He controls ice and rock, but no one says he has to like it. We were rather hoping for a mellower rocky mountain man. More plaid, less spleen.
RATING: 3/5
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This settles it once and for all, folks: the devil is a fire-breathing mule with vampire-bat wings and a spandex suit.
RATING: 3/5
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That Mohawk is both bold and brazen. Since the Lightning controls the element of electricity, we’re guessing he’s used his power to infuse his hair “with a little extra je ne sais quoi.” Points for clever styling.
RATING: 4/5
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Sure, he can shred through the Tennessee tundra, but don’t let his angry demeanor fool you—deep down he’s a pussycat. Just watch out for his radioactive spit.
RATING: 4/5
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This is all kinds of wrong. A shark-headed man on bladed water skis who is also a “technological genius and software empathy?” With webbed, clawed hands? How is he supposed to type? And isn’t water damage never covered by laptop warranties?
RATING: 1/5
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A psychic bear with a chilling roar on a fiery rampage through downtown Boston. Honestly, what’s not to like?
RATING: 5/5
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We were secretly hoping for some sort of maniacal axe-toting Captain Canuck spin-off. This stumpy-armed flipper with the power of rain is actually pretty bad.
RATING: 2/5
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He controls “power absorption” and has the “power of magnification”—yeah, we don’t get it either—but the real question is parlez-vous français? It’s le canadien, not The Canadien.
RATING: 3/5
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Someone tell Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle this knock-off artist stole his look.
RATING: 2/5
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If anyone can singlehandedly wrench the motor city out of the economic doldrums, this gas guzzling, freewheeling, jet-propelled, power pack-toting muscle man can. Secret weapon: a bailout.
RATING: 3/5
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Though he’s a “serious-minded union soldier” with a “devastating array of weaponry at his disposal,” there’s something about that teensy little cap that makes us want to take him home to mom.
RATING: 4/5
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Flaming stampedes, flaming eye blasts and the power to shoot fireballs out of his fingers? Well played, Mr. Flame. Well played.
RATING: 5/5
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What the hell does this have to do with Texas? Sure, he can manipulate magnetic tension fields, but where’s the pulled pork and ten gallon hat?
RATING: 2/5
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The poor man’s Wolverine.
RATING: 2/5
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Would it have been so wrong to have a female Guardian? We think a lady hero would make a nice addition to this motley crew, so we’re just going to go ahead and call the Panther a woman. She’s clearly just had her nails done, and what woman wouldn’t love to control “the element of shadow and dark matter?”
RATING: 4/5
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This modern-day NYC incantation of Mad Max is pretty cool, with his machinist skills and his arsenal of destructive weapons. Well, except for the vanity plates. “IMARNGR?” Dial it back a notch, Ranger.
RATING: 4/5
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We’ll admit that it’s hard to turn a duck into a formidable superhero, but “rebel with a trust fund?” What does that even mean? This amphibious bill-faced fellow is near the bottom of the pile, but at least he’ll always have daddy’s (or perhaps his Uncle Scrooge’s) money to fall back on.
RATING: 1/5
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Taking care of the land is clearly not priority one for this “roughneck protector of the great white north,” as is evidenced by his huge oil-shooting gun and the barren, fire-torn landscape that he plunders. Screw you, nature.
RATING: 1/5
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Though he’s a little knock-kneed and has sensitive eyes, we’ve got to give a guy credit for travelling on a frozen sheet of ice—you know, just like every hockey player ever. Get a real superpower, Penguin.
RATING: 1/5
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Another element-manipulating hero, this angry looking fellow controls water in all its phases—liquid, solid and gas. Just look at his ice sword, gushing arm and, um, gas face?
RATING: 2/5
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The King is pleasantly reminiscent of Beowulf, but with more molten lava. And while sword that causes earthquakes is pretty neat, someone should tell his majesty that force-field shields went out with hammer pants.
RATING: 3/5
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Points for the femme pose, swooshy Richard Branson-esque hairdo and fussy personality. Looks like Priscilla Queen of the Desert may be down a cast member.
RATING: 5/5
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The only Guardian granted deity status, the Senator’s is only enhanced by the O on his shield and the fact that he has the “soul of an inspirational leader.” Is the Senator channeling the godlike power of Oprah, or is it Obama?
RATING: 4/5
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Why the long face? Actually, scratch that. Why the “granite chin?”
RATING: 3/5
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This “duty-drive military man” is apparently the fastest member of the Guardian Air Force. Good for him. To us he looks painfully generic.
RATING: 2/5
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Ok, it makes sense that the Islander can control ocean currents. It makes less sense that he’s wearing a football mask.
RATING: 2/5
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The Blue is billed as a musician and an inter-dimensional teleportation expert, which totally explains why he doesn’t have a face.
RATING: 3/5
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Other guardians can read minds, shoot flames out of their eyeballs and chuck ice missiles. The Maple Leaf just stands there, because that’s what trees do. While we understand the need to tie the character to the team name, isn’t “a giant walking and talking maple tree” taking things just a tad literally? Sure, he’s an immovable object, and he can grow branches at will, but what will the Maple Leaf do when faced with the Ranger’s sophisticated weaponry or the Flame’s lava balls?
RATING: 0/5
I despise hockey. I hate the Maple Leafs. Honestly though, I really like Stan Lee’s “The Maple Leaf”. He reminds me of the Fantastic Four’s Thing. Sometimes you don’t need superpowers. Sometimes it’s enough to just be awesome. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what kind of superhero the Leafs got. They have sucked for 43 years and will continue to do so long after I’m gone.
February 3, 2011 at 7:40 am | by KimIt’s cute what the NHL is doing for the kids, cause I certainly hope that grown men aren’t getting boners over this.
However, instead of focusing on superheros I wish the league would put more teams back on Canadian soil. This is our game after all. RIP Winnipeg and Quebec
February 3, 2011 at 11:22 am | by BG011The NHL’s joking, right? I guess Stan Lee has been hit by the recession like the rest of us. Why else would he agree to this extremely cheesy and hokey disaster of an idea.
February 4, 2011 at 2:53 pm | by BasilYou clearly haven’t actually read the book. and have merely judged according to what you see super…um…ficially.
The Leaf is bad ass. He reflects the city’s respect for the environment, ability to reamain cohesive and Loves his mama. Go back read the book, then try again. See if your scores change at all. Perfect? No, but then 30 brand new heroes in a world as jaded as this, from the people who have created some of the most interesting superheroes ever.
This is a stroke of genius for the NHL. Hokey? sure, but it does attract a kid’s attention and isn’t that what it’s ALL about anyway? Giving kids heroes thay can look up to. Better Hokey hockey heroes at this point than the drug addled criminal element you find in other sports today. You want your teams back? Get butts in the seats! The NHL and Stan Lee are trying to attract the new blood. What did you do? You sent a message that it’s not worthy. Ticket sales have gone UP.
March 2, 2011 at 2:06 pm | by Chttp://www.gamerlive.tv/article/2011-nhl-all-star-game-raleigh-sees-increased-tv-viewership-and-social-network-growth
Merch sales are UP!
http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/2011/2/2/1971256/guardian-project-nhl-merchandise
Where do you suppose a growing league will invest their money?