— Ian MacIntyre (@MrIanMacIntyre) March 24, 2015
You may be wondering about the the oily mystery liquid currently leaking onto subway tracks at College Station and preventing trains from running on the Yonge Line. What is it? Is it harmful? Where is it coming from? Will subway service be restored before the evening commute? These are the wrong questions. What we need from officials is a clear, unequivocal answer to the following: this unknown substance—is it like the music-loving subway-tunnel ectoplasm from Ghostbusters 2, or does it bear more of a resemblance to the mutagenic sewer ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Twitter, so far, is evenly divided between the two.