Mariah Yeater

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Justin Bieber is officially milking this whole Mariah Yeater thing

Justin Bieber knows how to beat a dead horse. By now, we all know that Mariah Yeater lied about mothering the Biebz’s baby (note: Eden Wood would still very much like to have Bieber babies), but he won’t let up—he’s taken to tweet-taunting the young lady, and now he’s announced that a song on his upcoming album Believe is about the woman who falsified claims of Biebsy’s less-than-a-minute man status. Bieber told the Daily Mail that his album will take its cues from more rarified influences: Black Eyed Peas, Fergie and, um, Jesus Christ.

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Justin Bieber sticks it to alleged baby mama Mariah Yeater—on Twitter, that is

Justin Bieber has made it clear that he’ll never be Mariah Yeater’s boyfriend. Twitter’s new bad boy tweet-taunted his ex-alleged baby mama (whose case was tossed out of court last November), telling her “from the heart” that she’ll never have a shot at him, his mansion that he can’t pay for or the motorcycle that he can’t drive. He then linked to a video in which fellow prankster Borat repeats “You will never get this” over and over again. To add insult to injury, the Biebz didn’t even bother to spell Yeater’s name correctly, calling her “Yeeter.” Oh, snap!

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Could the Yeater-Bieber love child be the result of a phantom sexual act? No.

The triad non-relationship between Justin Bieber, Mariah Yeater and Robbie Powell (Yeater’s ex) has reached impressive lows this week: Yeater still believes the Biebz is the father (despite negative paternity results), while Powell is planning to tell his side of the story on some sort of media tour (why we’re supposed to care about his point of view, we’re not sure). Text messages have leaked that show Yeater identifying Powell as her child’s father, evidence Bieber’s attorney Howard Weitzman says “proves Mariah Yeater fabricated the story.” Beliebers will be happy to note that the Biebz is playing it cool, claiming to never have met the woman, and he also notes that he knows he’s “going to be a target,” but he’s “never going to be a victim.” What happened to “never say never”? And please, can someone just take responsibility for the baby, because it’s clear that Yeater is far too focused on getting her 15 minutes.

(Images: Justin Bieber, Aby Baker/GettyImages/Getty Images Entertainment; baby, Officer)

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We may never know if Justin Bieber is the father of that baby (or what a 30-second tryst is like)

The paternity lawsuit against Justin Bieber has been called off for now, but the pop star still plans to take a DNA test to prove his innocence (both legal and otherwise). The new lawyer representing Mariah Yeater—who says the baby is the result of an alleged 30-second bathroom tryst—has cancelled a scheduled hearing and now intends to settle the case out of court. It’s no surprise Yeater wants to keep the case out of the public eye, as she’s supposedly received death threats from enraged fan girls (we believe it). But now the world may never know if Bieber is really the father; Yeater’s lawyer hopes to keep the results and any consequences private. Somehow we’re okay with that.

(Baby, ECohen; Justin Bieber, Christian Augustin/GettyImages/Getty Images Entertainment)

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Did Justin Bieber really get a 20-year-old California woman pregnant? Probably not.

Remember when Justin Bieber was a baby himself? (Image: Daniel Ogren)

After days of ignoring the problem, Justin Bieber has agreed to take a paternity test to disprove his baby-daddy status. Mariah Yeater, a 20-year-old California woman, claims her child is the product of an alleged 30-second tryst in the backstage washroom of the Staples Center in Los Angeles. She’s suing for attention child support, and Yeater’s lawyers told Star that “credible evidence” would be revealed in court (we shudder to imagine what that might be).

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