Night 5, September 11

Upon arriving at the swank 10 Items or Less after-party at the Fermenting Cellar in the Distillery District, we were quickly ushered into the VIP area, where the film’s friendly and approachable stars—Morgan Freeman and Paz Vega—mingled with the crowd. As we imbibed sangria (a welcome change from the now-monotonous choice of white or red), we were introduced to many people associated with the film, including adorable former model Orson Salazar, a.k.a. Mr. Paz Vega. Before long, we met Ms. Vega as well, and quickly realized how she scored such a sweetheart of a hubby. Charming and utterly enchanting, the Spanglish star told us that after her early-morning press junket today, she was looking forward to a night on the town before departing from the city tomorrow.

As Ben waited for his heart rate to slow, Steven introduced himself to Freeman. “Stevie?” he said, without missing a beat. “I thought you were Prince!” Freeman was relaxed and funny, ribbing Ben about his obscure last name and telling us why he loves Toronto. “I get to meet great people—like you!” he said, pinching Steven’s cheeks. The Shawshank Redemption luminary (whose co-star, Tim Robbins, was rumoured to be on his way to the Distillery just as we left) was last seen jovially smiling for pictures, as we headed to a scenic dinner at Toulà, high atop the Westin Harbour Castle. Vega’s manager and stylist provided superb company.

From Toulà, Steven rushed off to the Fay Grim after-party at the Premiere Lounge—our home away from home by now—to catch red carpet entrances from director Hal Hartley, producer Mark Cuban (bedecked in dapper Gucci), and stars Jeff Goldblum and Saffron Burrows, who arrived holding hands. As the celebs moved inside, the TV personalities and cameramen gushed over Cuban, a $1.8 billion man who also owns the Dallas Mavericks. This was one of the busiest parties of the fest, but the stars kept to themselves, hastily sequestered in a makeshift VIP lounge. Goldblum and Burrows—Burrblum doesn’t have quite the ring of Brangelina—were escorted out by handlers before Steven could make a move.

Meanwhile, Ben attended the Away From Her after-party at the ET Canada Lounge, on the Harry Rosen rooftop. The shindig attracted a larger crowd than the venue’s Saturday night affair, with a substantial celebrity quotient. Guests included the cast of the film—Gordon Pinsent, Olympia Dukakis, Julie Christie and director Sarah Polley—as well as Anna Paquin, and filmmakers Atom Egoyan and Brian de Palma. A small commotion ensued when Newfoundland-born dramatic icon Pinsent fainted, although the 76-year-old was revived shortly thereafter, and seemed fine.

Over at the Paramount Theatre, Ivan Reitman hosted a highly exclusive screening of the new Trailer Park Boys film to a crowd of distributors and industry folk. Reitman addressed the packed crowd, saying, “This is our first time showing the film, and we’re scared shitless!” His fear, it seems, was unwarranted; the film was reportedly well-received by the appreciative crowd.

And finally, for those keeping score, a couple more celeb spottings in Yorkville: Heath Ledger, taking in the sights Monday morning on the upper level of a double-decker tour bus; and a phone-free Russell Crowe, rolling down his car window and chatting with a gaggle of very, very happy stargazers.

NIght 4, September 10

Night four began back at the Premiere Lounge, for the entertainment magazine’s intimate editors’ party. The crowd of about 75 was surprisingly subdued, with Penélope Cruz and Pedro Almodóvar chatting casually by the bar. Cruz was less than thrilled when we introduced ourselves as journalists, though the Madrid-based Almodóvar was receptive, asking Ben for tips on what to do with his free time Monday afternoon. (“Pedro is so patient,” Cruz whispered to her handler.) The Spanish stars, it seems, enjoyed Sotto Sotto, but not much else. “We’ve been so busy,” said Almodovar. Mena Suvari, whose film The Dog Problem premieres tonight, was equally congenial, introducing us to her dreadlocked boyfriend. Looking radiant with blond highlights and blunt, cropped bangs, Suvari was thrilled to be back in town; but most of all, she said, “I’m looking forward to seeing my film. I haven’t seen anything yet.”

Later, Ben linked up with an entourage of hotties-about-town, attending the low-profile Roots party with power publicist Danielle Iversen, her assistant, Ashley Elliott, and journalist Rebecca Eckler, covering the fest for Maclean’s. Dan Aykroyd mingled freely with the crowd, and gossip blogger–cum–celeb, Perez Hilton, posed patiently for pictures. Having met Hilton earlier in the week, Ben told him about a rumoured after-party at Remington’s, the male strip club. The L.A.-based Perez was surprisingly on the, um, ball, asking, “Remington’s? Doesn’t that close at two?”

Steven, meanwhile, headed to the after-party for Shortbus, the controversial new film by director John Cameron Mitchell, at the Phoenix. As he arrived, Steven’s taxi nearly hit Lance Bass and boyfriend Reichen Lehmkuhl, also on their way to the queer-friendly event. Visually, the party was a breath of fresh air—mohawks outnumbered suits, drag queens outnumbered cutesy publicists. Steven chatted with Shortbus star Sook-Yin Lee about the shindig. “We put on a different vibe all the time,” she said. “When we were at Cannes, we did a similar thing. There are a lot of really great creators and musicians, so we put on a show. It’s kind of like a travelling circus!”

Lance Bass raved to Steven about the film—and the festival. He was less enthusiastic about Saturday night’s Wyclef Jean show at the Premiere Lounge. “We were on the other side of the room, so we didn’t really get to see it,” he said. “But I saw Wyclef at the VMAs last week, and it was the same show.”

Meanwhile, Ben and the girls headed over to One X One at the Carlu, where our campaign of shock, awe and confuse-the-guest-list-manager landed all four access to the media-restricted, $1,500-a-plate event—a star-studded fundraiser for global childrens' charities. The event featured performances by Chantal Kreviazuk, Raine Maida and John Legend, but Wyclef Jean stole the show once again, inspiring the moneyed crowd to rise to their feet and enthusiastically wave their handkerchiefs. At the auction, two Ocean’s 13 packages offering red carpet access to the premiere—a prize organizers estimated would raise $20,000 in total—raised $130,000 each, a fact helped, no doubt, by auctioneer Matt Damon’s pledge that Brad Pitt would sleep with the winner. (Pitt, who was in attendance, did graciously dip one of the auction winners.) On his way out the door, Damon told Ben he was thrilled with evening. “It was just fantastic,” he said, as he rushed to catch a flight back to L.A. with his wife.

Content with the evening’s amusements, Ben squeezed into a crowded elevator to descend to street level. As the doors slammed, he found himself cornered by Belinda Stronach, Rick Mercer and Tie Domi. All three were affable—Stronach remembered Ben from an earlier encounter—and all agreed that the night had been phenomenal. Mercer’s highlight? “Sachs’ speech,” he said, referring to the address given by UN Millennium Project head, economist Jeffrey Sachs. Stronach agreed, adding that she was hoping to attend some film fest events in the coming week. Also spotted at the Carlu: Almodovar and Cruz, sneaking out the back after a brief appearance.

Steven popped by the Premiere Lounge again, for the after-party for The Last Kiss, where Zach Braff, Jacinda Barrett and Giovanni Ribisi retreated to a private second-floor dinner. Later, when the stars joined the crowd, a star-struck girl hovered near Braff with an extra beer, waiting to offer him a drink if ever he was empty-handed. When Braff noticed the girl, he approached her and struck up a friendly conversation. Later that night, at the Entertainment Weekly party at Flow (where Lance Bass—does he have clones?—was spotted again), Braff told Ben he’d had a long day. “I don’t feel like doing anymore interviews,” he said. “I’m here to party!”

With some new friends in tow—a well-known Toronto actress and a powerful L.A. agent —we chased that Remington’s rumour. With high hopes for a kicking party, we were disappointed to find that the only action in the bar was what a young patron, sitting in the corner, was providing for himself. Satisfied, tired and moderately uncomfortable, we called it a night.

NIght 3, September 9

We started our evening at Christian Bale’s Rescue Dawn party, held in the Premiere Film and Music Lounge in the stunning two-year-old W Studio—a rug and carpet store temporarily converted into one of the festival’s most exclusive hot spots. After posing for photo ops, the baby Batman enjoyed a Heineken and then a classic stars-are-just-like-us moment—politely waiting at the back of the line for the lounge’s lone main-floor bathroom.

Having skipped dinner, we arrived at the Hugo Boss showroom for the Stranger Than Fiction after-party to a great surprise: sushi, dim sum and seafood as part of a Daniel et Daniel catered event—the culinary highlight of our week thus far. Gorging ourselves, we almost missed the celebs mingling among the well-heeled, well-dressed crowd. Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen held court on black leather couches in the venue’s beautiful open courtyard. Ben, who saw Baron Cohen’s outrageous Borat film earlier in the day, chatted with the actor. Friendly and accessible, the British comic thanked Ben for seeing the film, but—because he was making a rare public appearance out of character—asked that he not be quoted in this column. Meanwhile, a surprisingly handsome Ferrell schmoozed graciously with grateful fans.

Stargazers were out in full force at the ET Lounge, a spacious open-air spot—bedecked in billowing white fabric and dangling chandeliers—on the rooftop terrace of the Harry Rosen store on Bloor. Entourage’s Adrian Grenier (even prettier in person!) downed drinks in the VIP section early in the eve. And in the down-to-earth Oscar-winner move of the night, Canadian filmmaker Paul Haggis stood just outside the VIP section, chatting with friends and fans alike. Mingling happily, he told us that TIFF is a can’t-miss for him. “I’m here every year,” he said. “I love it. I have a film here, but even if I didn’t, I’d be here!”

Chasing a rumour that Montreal indie rockers Stars would be playing a set at the Mongrel Media and Hello! magazine launch party at Hart House, Ben arrived in time for the tail end of the half-hour-long concert. “That was amazing,” gushed one fan, seemingly on the verge of tears. Arriving just after the show ended, Kevin Costner was impressed by the U of T campus—and, evidently, much of the city. The coiffed and glowing leading man, looking dapper in jeans and a blazer, shared his enthusiasm with Ben. “It’s my first time here,” he said. “I didn’t realize Toronto was so beautiful. Everywhere I go, I see beautiful architecture.”

We reconvened at the Premiere Lounge, for the Ghosts of Cité Soleil party, where rapper Wyclef Jean entertained. The small crowd was rowdy and enthusiastic. Performing a varied set, including some Fugees classics, Wyclef jokingly ribbed the crowd, at one point chiding the left half of the room for not dancing. “This side is weak right now,” he said. “This side needs more liquor! You’re messing up my vibe!” Celebs grooving in the crowd included Danny Glover, Samuel L. Jackson and the ubiquitous Lance Bass. Also cutting it was former CHUM prez Moses Znaimer, who Steven ran into later that night at the Muzik party, a massive, clubby event that attracted Jackson, Christina Ricci and Lou Gossett Jr. “Wyclef’s great,” Znaimer told Steven. “I had dinner with him earlier.”

From Muzik we headed north to the Drake, for the Virgin Music Festival aprés-bash. By the time we arrived, any stars had mostly vanished, although Shawn Ashmore enjoyed the VIP section until the wee hours. We did, however, arrive in time to catch up with members of our reconnaissance team, who informed us that Dan Aykroyd’s Black Eyed Peas after-party—the rap quartet performed earlier at the Amphitheatre—attracted billionaire Mark Cuban, reggae singer Shaggy and tabloid favourite Tom Sizemore (infamous for once trying to use a prosthetic penis to pass a drug test). Sizemore, our source tells us, was in fine form, using the shoulders of fellow partygoers for support. At Club V’s private Motorola Lounge, tongues were wagging over a newly single Brittany Murphy. And, finally, Bill Clinton celebrated his 60th birthday in Toronto with a soirée planned to coincide with the festival. Kevin Spacey, Billy Crystal, James Taylor and Bon Jovi entertained an A-list crowd that included the future President Clinton—wife Hilary—and daughter Chelsea.

All in all, night three was the proverbial blast. But the best proof that the real parties are finally underway? No matter where we went, there was nary a Canadian Idol judge to be found.

Night 2, September 8

The glamour-oozing after-party for Volver, Pedro Almodóvar’s much-hyped Cannes-pleaser, was held at the Chanel store on Bloor. The rain did nothing to deter the dozens of stargazers gathered around the red carpet, vying for a glimpse of the director and his star, Spanish temptress Penélope Cruz. Powered by vodka and Red Bull (a beverage surprisingly still not quite out of style), we mingled with fashion industry types, publicists and some of Chanel’s most beloved customers. Castanet-clacking flamenco dancers entertained. Preceded by Oscar-winning Crash director Paul Haggis, Cruz arrived to a flashbulb frenzy. Tom Cruise and Matthew McConaughey’s former flame was immediately ushered to an exclusive VIP room—where she lasted for about one cocktail. Seemingly fed up, Pené nudged Steven (engrossed in his own conversation) out of her way, and disappeared as quickly as she had arrived. As Steven worked the fashionistas, Ben pursued a tip that psych-alt-rockers the Flaming Lips were playing the Summercamp! after-party at Gabby’s on Bloor. Alas, Ben—confounded by the strip’s congested traffic—missed the band’s brief set (three acoustic numbers, reportedly) by moments.

The next event on many agendas was the Holt Renfrew party for Burberry creative director Christopher Bailey. With Dustin Hoffman, Joshua Jackson and Shawn Ashmore in attendance, partygoers were buzzing. Less buzzing were those who’d attended CHUM’s annual Festival Schmooze bash earlier in the evening. The tight-fisted keepers of the guest list shut out some of the city’s best party people—including, allegedly, Drake master Jeff Stober—thereby ensuring a crowd of industry folk and media that weren’t quite A-list. (How else would you put it? We weren’t there.) Said one temporary festival staffer, a three-week veteran of the industry, and Schmooze attendee: “There was nobody there. I don’t know why they make it more prestigious than it is.”

Down at Ultra, rocker/sex-tape star Tommy Lee deejayed a cheesy techno-house set for a plastic fantastic Peter and Richmond crowd with nary a VIP in sight. (Kevin Costner was whisked away before Lee could man the turntables.) The same could be said for Lobby, where the VIN—Very Important Nobodies—far exceeded the VIP population. We quickly repaired to The Social, where it was rumoured that Vince Vaughn—spotted earlier at Kultura, on King East—and Will Ferrell were en route. In the end, both were no-shows. With Queen West getting sleepy by about 3:30 a.m., we seized the opportunity for our own badly needed shut-eye. After all, the week is still young.

Night 1, September 7

Ah, the first night of the film fest. With the parties underway and the hangers-on chomping at the bit, the city was atwitter with anticipation of the celebs to come. We could hardly contain ourselves. After a long day of schmoozing up publicists and performing that delicate balancing act of accepting free swag while maintaining impeccable journalistic integrity—discretion prevents us from revealing the details of those transactions—we were ready to hit the scene.

The Gala opening, a ritzy, open-bar affair at the massive Liberty Grand complex, was crammed with industry folk, cinephiles and local celebs. With indigenous personalities such as George Stroumboulopoulos, rapper k-os, and Canadian Idol judge Zack Werner, the crowd was buzzing as formerly straight former ’N SYNC member Lance Bass arrived with his boyfriend, Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl. But what the party might have lacked in A-listers, it made up for in hors d’oeuvre—roast duck, miniature hamburgers, decadent chocolates—not to mention free-flowing wine, vodka and beer. Cocktail tables carved from ice (the party theme was keyed to opening night film The Journals of Knud Rasmussen) served as spots to rest our martinis.

The after-party for The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema at the newly redesigned Gardiner Museum, held greater promise. The scene outside was dazzling—an elaborate red carpet set-up—but inside was regrettably more subdued. Perhaps this was the consequence of the disappointing discovery that the “exclusive” event, hosted by over-the-top hairstylist to the stars Jie Matar, had a cash bar. And while the celeb quotient was low—yet more Canadian Idol judges, as well as teen queen Amanda Bynes, in town filming Hairspray—a gaggle of leggy girls from Canada’s Next Top Model provided ample distraction. The party may have been hard on the pocketbook, but it was easy on the eyes.

In some ways, a pre-TIFF Wednesday night proved more fruitful. Though any real stars had yet to even board their planes at LAX, we enjoyed one Surreal Life–style run-in at the recently refurbished Lobby: Frankie Muniz, a.k.a. Five-Feet-Four-Inches of Wonder. While the diminutive actor seemed displeased with the lack of celeb compatriots at the party, he appeared more than content with the rear end of his much-taller lady friend, as he rested his hand there for the duration of the evening. Malcolm in the middle indeed.