A crack-smoking mayor is just too good to pass up. For the second night running, America’s late-night wisecrackers turned their attention northward: Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O’Brian, Jon Stewart and Craig Ferguson all had something to say about Canada’s most embarrassing elected official. Here, a compilation of the best quips.
Stephen Colbert in a five-minute segment on The Colbert Report: “See, after a few beers, he’s just a social crack smoker. It’s like how some people only smoke cigarettes when they’re strung out on heroin. So he’s admitting to having a problem, but he’s not going to do anything rash—like something about it.”
Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live, after airing a fake informational video titled “How to Tell if Your Mayor is Smoking Crack”: “I just think it’s exciting to see that Chris Farley has been reincarnated as a politician.”
—Conan O’Brian on Conan: “The mayor was charged with being way too exciting for Canada. [...] Meanwhile, since he admitted to smoking crack, the mayor of Toronto’s approval rating has actually gone up. That’s true. So apparently, if your government healthcare system works, you can do whatever the hell you want.”
Jon Stewart on The Daily Show, on Ford’s shocking refusal to step down: “In light of his recent scandal Mayor Ford has looked deep within himself and decided, ‘Yeah, I’m good. I’m going to run for re-election.’ You know what, Mayor Ford? [...] You need help. And I don’t mean help carrying a case of beer into the basement so you can get drunk enough to smoke crack.”
Craig Ferguson in his opening monologue on The Late Late Show: “Mayor Ford said he smoked crack when he was in a ‘drunken stupor.’ Is that a defence? [...] I tried that excuse when I went to rehab. They’re like, ‘No, that’s not really an excuse, Craig. That’s a symptom of what you’ve got going on.”