Oh, Brad, Brad, Brad—on the one hand we sort of feel like launching you up into the air like a clay disc and blasting you into a million bits. Getting rid of Kara was a horrible decision, and by doing so you are all but guaranteed to wind up with a high-maintenance diva who will eventually eat you alive. On the other hand, we get that when you’re not feeling it, you just can’t fake it, no matter how fun and hot and perfect-for-you a person is. So in that sense, way to go—you’re following your heart. Or maybe you’re following your libido. Hard to say, since we obviously don’t share the same taste.
This week was, of course, the fantasy dates episode where you wow a woman with a spectacular date and then ask her to spend the night with you in your palatial suite. So why did everything feel so…um…Canadian? For the most part The Bach Can has done a good job of not seeming like the budget version of its American inspiration, but honestly—cold and rainy adventures in the Maritimes really weren’t fulfilling our wildest dreams.
From where we sit, your shooting range date with Kara was by far the most successful, but given her unceremonious ejection, there’s not much point in dwelling. (Except to say that she reacted like the mature and self-possessed beauty that she is—go Kara!!) Between Bianka and Whitney, the choice is crazy-obvious. B is fun-loving and laughs a lot—and she, at least, is under the impression that the two of you could be happy forever (it did take some convincing though).
The whole Whitney thing has gotten so alarming we could barely even watch. It’s as if The Bachelor Canada has a secret agenda to inform the women of Canada that all of those horrible adages from The Rules are true: always play hard to get, be difficult, make him beg. She’s just not that into you, Brad—she basically said as much. But still, you were willing to lose a wonderful, wife-worthy gal in order to spend more time in Cruella’s evil clutches. Dance, monkey, dance!
—XO Your Fairy Love Mothers
P.S. It’s okay to sometimes not tuck your pants into your boots.