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Dear Urban Diplomat: should I tell my new husband that his teen daughter’s on the Pill?

Dear Urban Diplomat,
I recently married a man who has a 15-year-old daughter, and I accidentally discovered she’s on the Pill. Her dad would be apoplectic if he knew. She begged me not to tell him and said she’d never forgive me if he found out. What should I do?

—Contraception Interception, Bennington Heights

Praise her decision to use birth control, then say that while you adore and trust her, you would never betray your husband. Explain, as unthreateningly as possible, that she needs to tell her father (or birth mother, if she’s in the picture), or else you will be morally obligated to do so. There’s a whole raft of matters to discuss, including safe sex, emotional maturity and STDs, and those are matters for the people who raised her. Offer to be on hand during the big reveal in case her dad flies off the handle. She’ll probably loathe you for a while, but—news flash—as the parent of a peak-­hormonal teen, such is your new reality.

Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com

 

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