1. Lovecraft
27 Yorkville Ave., 416-923-7331
An institution since ‘72, with a mainstream feel, middle-aged staff and a 59-year-old grandmother owner; offers more than a thousand books.
The Clientele: An upscale baby boomer set—lots of lusty, late-blooming Rosedale matrons.
Priciest Item: The Eroscillator 2 ($199.98), a Dr. Ruth–recommended accessory that boasts 3,600 oscillations per minute and more attachments than a Hoover Deluxe.
Celebrity Endorsement: Club Jenna, a line of products moulded from plaster casts of adult film star Jenna Jameson’s privates (deluxe model, $219).
Funniest Film Title: G Marks the Spot.

2. Priape
465 Church St., 416-586-9914
A lifestyle franchise that doesn’t feel like a franchise or even really a sex shop, with inventory ranging from chain-mail tank tops to gay comics (The Incredibly Hung).
The Clientele: A cross-section of gay villagers: leather bears, club kids and muscle-bound gym queens.
Priciest Item: Weapon of Ass Destruction ($449.95), a frighteningly big dildo; billed as “for professional use only,” but really only for trophy-like display.
Celebrity Endorsement: The John Holmes Realistic, a 12-inch dildo named after the inspiration for Boogie Nights’ Dirk Diggler.
Funniest Film Title: Everybody Does Raymond.

3. Seduction
577 Yonge St., 416-966-6969
An anonymous, department store vibe, toeing the line between upscale boutique and trench coat dive. The basement is filled with porn, while the third floor houses S&M gear, role-playing costumes and sex swings.
The Clientele: Giggling first-timers, gag gift buyers, strippers with an industry discount.
Priciest Item: The Real Doll ($11,999), a sex “partner” so lifelike it costs more than college.
Celebrity Endorsement: The colourful iVibe Rabbit, popularized by Sex and the City.
Funniest Film Title: Crouching Tranny, Hidden Drag Queen.

4. Good for Her
175 Harbord St., 416-588-0900
A homey sexuality centre with women- and trans-only hours, comfy seats and herbal tea; workshops range from “Muff Diving for Men” to “Sex and Yoga.”
The Clientele: Those for whom patchouli is a signature scent, university students interested in doing some at-home sex ed and scholarly Annexoises.
Priciest Item: The Liberator ramp ($199), a foam sex pillow to help you into compromising positions.
Celebrity Endorsement: The Tristan ($66.85), a suppository designed by Village Voice sex columnist Tristan Taormino.
Funniest Film Title: Viva la Vulva.

5. Come As You Are
701 Queen St. W., 416-504-7954
An artsy, hip co-operative boasting local porn, handmade dildos and erotic photography classes.
The Clientele: A trendier-than-thou Queen West crowd, eager to plug their iPods into an Audi-Oh vibrator, which pulses in time to music.
Priciest Item: The titanium Le Lynx vibrator ($480), invented by aerospace engineers—the space-age material transmits vibrations super-fast.
Celebrity Endorsement: The Royal line of toys ($34–$70), from everyone’s favourite senior sexpert, Sue Johanson.
Funniest Film Title: Conasseur.