My portable bookstore
A lot of people are upset about the Kindle, but I don’t think they realize the potential: there’s nothing like having millions of books at your fingertips. It’s amazing for travelling, and most of the classics are free. I even have the Bible.

My tropical fruit
My favourite food in the world is mango. When I was 18, I went to the Philippines on an exchange program, and it changed my life. I’d barely been out of Brampton. I lived with a family of 14 on a rice paddy. The first time I had a mango, I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I had five.

My cat, Uday
I’ve had him for 10 years. He’s named after Uday Hussein, one of Saddam’s sons. I’m obsessed with the Hussein family. And I was into Osama before anyone had heard of him.

My pre-performance rituals
When we were taping The Kids in the Hall, before every show, Kevin McDonald and I pee in the sink backstage. We did that for years. It guaranteed us a good show. We also used to go to The Stem, a greasy spoon that was on Queen West. I always had the hot turkey sandwich with peas.

My mask collection
I bought three of these folk art masks on vacation in Belize. They’re kind of stupid, because they’re too small to wear and there’s no way to affix them to your face, but I like how the tongues are hanging out.

My default condiment
I’ll put ketchup on anything, even a tomato sandwich.

My comedy inspiration
Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman is my favourite TV series of all time. It ran in the late ’70s, and it starred Louise Lasser, Woody Allen’s second wife. It was a mock soap opera satirizing suburban life. I thought it was about Brampton.

My favourite children’s books
I read Treasure Island when I was 12; it’s one of my top five. And I also loved Hiero’s Journey by Sterling E. Lanier. It’s post-apocalyptic science fiction, with everything that a nerdy Canadian kid would love: a sexy, telepathic Métis, a giant moose and a hyper-intelligent bear.

My turtle lamp
Fourteen years ago, my younger brother Dean died. During the funeral, the entire procession was stopped by a family of turtles walking across the path. We decided that one of them was my brother, so now the rest of my brothers and I collect turtle stuff. This lamp is one of mine.

My pyjamas
There is nothing sexier than one-piece long johns with the trap door in the back. A man lying on a Hudson’s Bay blanket wearing nothing but long johns—now that is just Canadian yummy.