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Dear Urban Diplomat,
It seems like puffy coats with oversized fur-fringed hoods are all the rage again this season. I understand they’re warm and stylish, but, man, they take up a lot of room. I’m sick of getting a face full of fur on the streetcar, not to mention attempting to squeeze between two gargantuan parkas at the urinal. Can you provide some winter wear guidelines?
—Infringed upon,
MIDTOWN
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Dear Urban Diplomat: please provide some winter wear etiquette for those enormous puffy coats that take up half the streetcar
Do the city’s street vendors pay rent for prime sidewalk spots? How are the sidewalks divvied up between them?
(Image: Devin Jeffrey)
Street meat stalls, jewellery merchants and flower guys do indeed rent slabs of sidewalk from the city for between $1,1556 and $4,250 per year. Al Fresco rental rates are based on the nature of the micro-business, not the volume of foot traffic. Booths for clothing and food are pricier because they take up more space than, say, ice cream carts. Competition for sweet spots, like the corner of Queen and Peter, where there’s a long-standing mini-bazaar, isn’t as fierce as you might think; once a vendor rents a spot, he or she gets first dibs on it the following year. Also, in 2002, the city deemed the sidewalk market officially saturated, imposing a moratorium on new sellers downtown. For the indoors-averse entrepreneur, there are still plenty of jobs on the street—ones that are, um, less regulated.
• Question from Andrew Harris, King West
My neighbours are growing pot plants in their garden. Our houses are attached, and there’s only a low fence separating our yards. If they were busted, could I get in trouble? Am I being paranoid?
As long as Mary Jane stays on her side of the property line, the fuzz has no reason to knock on your door. And it’s unlikely a rogue plant will sprout in your yard, since pot can’t reproduce without the presence of both male and female plants (the less potent male plants are usually weeded out early on). Moreover, you are not legally obliged to snitch on your neighbours, so if they were to be busted, you would not be considered an accessory to the crime. Anyway, the chances of said bust are slim. The five-0 doesn’t comb Annex yards in search of drug lords. Assuming your neighbours aren’t cultivating a miniature weed forest, they’re probably safe. Should you want to wreak vengeance on them for, say, hogging the prime street parking, you can place an anonymous tip, which could result in them facing up to seven years in the clink. As for the question of paranoia, it’s a well-known side effect of marijuana use, which begs the question: are you sure you’re just watching the ganja grow?
• Question from Lucy Bazelon, the Annex
Is it appropriate to dicker over prices at the farmers’ market?
(Image: Devin Jeffrey)
Growing small quantities of organic produce is an expensive endeavour. When you’re forking over $8 for a basket of raspberries, you’re paying little more than the costs of production and labour, so our best advice is to suck it up or take your shopping cart to the fluorescent-lit aisles of the supermarket, where imported, pesticidal produce is available at half the price. That said, there are circumstances in which market merchants are willing to make a deal. Anyone buying in larger quantities is likely to get a freebie, and loyal regulars will often find an extra turnip or two in their bag. For your best chance at bargain bounty, wait until the end of the day, when the spinach is starting to look a little limp. Just be warned: you’re risking the stink eye from the guy in overalls and the clan of ethical eaters around you.
• Question from Dana Greenfield, Riverdale
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I’m selling my house, and my neighbours’ unkempt yard is bringing down my curb appeal. Do I have the legal authority to get them to clean it up?
You’re not alone. The city receives thousands of complaints on this subject each year. If you’ve extended a polite request—perhaps a note, passive-aggressively tucked into their mailbox—to no avail, the Municipal Licensing and Standards Division can step in. Property with grass exceeding 20 centimetres is in violation of the grass and weeds chapter of the municipal code. Likewise, any piled-up trash is in violation of the littering and dumping of refuse chapter. Following a complaint, the city will send an inspector to issue a notice of violation and give the residents a week to shape up. If that doesn’t work, the city can take the offenders to court (a rarity, given our lethargic legal system) or send crews to conduct the cleanup, slapping all associated costs onto the home owner’s property tax bill. But keep in mind that the municipal government is not in the business of manicuring yards to meet Martha Stewart standards, so if you’re merely neat-freaking on the neighbours (i.e., your definition of unkempt is clashing flower beds), it’s probably best to foot the bill for a neighbourly make-over. Call it peripheral fluffing, and let your newly pristine view be its own reward.
• Question from Monica Lee Murray, Little Portugal
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I’ve seen a few rats in the subway lately. Is the rodent population on the rise? What does the TTC do for pest control?
(Image: istockphoto)
It’s difficult to precisely measure the growth of rat populations—the loathed rodents are more likely to be caught and killed than tagged and tracked—but many Toronto pest control specialists say their business has shot up since the 2009 garbage strike sparked a veritable vermin baby boom last July, so it’s quite possible the summer of rodent love is responsible for an increased presence in the subways. Geography is also a factor; your chances of spotting a rat are greater in the downtown core because the busy inner stations see the most foot traffic and, in turn, collect the most litter. Being crafty scavengers, the hungry varmints flock to the bounty. Regular platform cleanups prevent the stations from becoming smorgasbords for pests. However, rats are most often spotted on the tracks, where garbage collection is less frequent because it can only be done in the wee hours when the system is shut down. It’s at track level where the TTC’s anti-rat measures go from benignly preventive to justifiably homicidal. Every four months, maintenance crews distribute rodenticides at the ends of each platform. Depending on your animal ethics, this practice may either reassure you or cause you to recoil with indignation.
• Question from Hanna Leonides, Don Mills
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Porter keeps expanding, but still no Florida. Any chance they’ll fly there in this lifetime?
(Image: bigshot fotos, from the Torontolife.com Flickr pool)
The Sunshine State seems like an obvious choice for Toronto’s boutique airline. Last year, 6,378 flights departed from Pearson for Florida’s three main cities, making it the second most popular travel destination for Canadians (next to New York). However, the airline’s selection process isn’t strictly governed by demand, as the roster of new Porter routes proves (no offence, Sudbury). The ideal Porter destination meets two criteria. First, it must be a city that can support multiple flights per day. Florida passes this test with flying coconuts. Second, it should be no further than two hours of travel time (about 900 kilometres) from Billy Bishop Toronto City Airport. Porter’s fleet of Bombardier Q400 aircraft can seat only 70 passengers each. The expense of travelling to Miami takes a big bite out of the potential profits. So far, Porter has made only one exception to the two-hour rule: it launched non-stop weekend flights to Myrtle Beach this winter because no other Canadian airline offers the same service. In other words, sun seekers looking to sip free Steamwhistle en route to a palm tree paradise would be wise to keep Carolina on their minds.
• Question from Jonas Hendrickson, Yorkville
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What’s the story with the breastfeeding stickers I’m seeing in restaurants and rec centres?
The sticker, featuring a drawing of a Madonna-like woman, is part of Toronto Public Health’s “Anytime. Anywhere” campaign. Since 2008, some 6,100 stickers have been sent to restaurants, libraries and malls to make nursing mothers feel more comfortable, and encourage establishments to train their staff on how best to deal with prudish patrons. The decals are also a reminder that breastfeeding in public is sanctioned by the Ontario Human Rights Commission, a fact that was challenged by Ellie Karkouti, the owner of a Newmarket public pool. She assumed the no-eating-in-the-pool rule applied to everyone and asked a mom nursing her babe to cease and desist. The mom filed a human rights complaint against her, and the breastfeeding blogosphere lit up with angry comments. Still, Karkouti maintains she was in the right, proving that even in our PC age, the breastfeeding debate is as persistent as a case of diaper rash.
• Question from Deena Rowly, Leaside
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I was driving along the newly named Ted Rogers Way and wondered how you get a street named after you. Is it just a matter of coughing up enough cash?
Though you’ll probably find more streets named after captains of industry than anonymous urchins, road renaming isn’t a cash grab. Citizens can make a free request, arguing for the civic significance of the name. The same goes for corporations like Rogers Communications, only they pay a $3,000 fee and must clear it with surrounding businesses or residents—not a huge challenge in Rogers’ case, since there are only four properties abutting the street in question, and one is the mothership Rogers building. The city guidelines state that a street named after a person should bear only that person’s last name. Ted Rogers Way was allowed a first name to get around another rule: no renamed street can share a name with an existing GTA street. (In this case, Rogers Road is just north of St. Clair.) The police objected to the renaming on the grounds that it could cause Rogers/Rogers confusion. But a “no” vote from the fuzz—who, along with other emergency services and heritage groups, weigh in on every request—wasn’t enough to thwart the will of Rogers, not that that would come as a shock to anyone who has ever tried to argue their cellphone bill.
• Question from Evie Hewitt, Wychwood
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I heard that kids are getting drunk on hand sanitizer at school? Is it true, and if so, what’s the TDSB doing about it?
Rumours of kids getting hopped up on antibacterial gel recently stoked a mini–media storm. Thankfully, the TDSB hasn’t received any reports of sanitizer sipping. However, it’s not an unwarranted concern. According to the laws of duh, if it has alcohol in it, teens will imbibe it—why bother raiding the liquor cabinet when a swig of 120-proof “booze ooze,” as the kids are calling it, will get the job done quicker? One good reason is the vile taste. Purell, the TDSB’s brand of choice, contains a bittering agent to make it unpalatable—imagine a dish soap and vodka cocktail (with a twist if it’s lemon scented). But teens rarely let flavour get in the way of some good, er, clean fun. To prevent furtive nipping, the TDSB distributes bottles no bigger than 350 millilitres and recommends teachers keep them at their desks. Still, it doesn’t take much to get soused—a disconcerting notion, given that the stuff has become as ubiquitous as pompoms at a pep rally.
What’s going to happen to all the marble once it’s removed from First Canadian Place? Is there any chance I could buy some of it?
(Photo by Steve Russell/Toronto Star)
It’s true, Toronto’s tallest office tower will soon be rid of 6,000-odd tons of Carrara marble, to be replaced by glass panels. The main reason for the $100‑million-plus facelift is safety. In 2007, a 300-pound chunk plummeted from the tower’s 60th storey onto the roof of the third-floor mezzanine. Hazards aside, 35 winters have turned the once snow white stone the colour of slush.
If you’re still keen to own a part of the city’s architectural past, Brookfield Properties, the building manager, hopes to make some of it available to the public for free in the spring. The rest of it will be recycled, crushed into rooftop ballast (a heavy layer that secures roof insulation) or donated to a local art group.
• Question from Maury Neufeld, Mississauga
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What’s the story with the tiger made of Christmas lights at Christie and Bloor?
Have a roaring winter (Photo by Damien D.)
A massive illuminated tiger doesn’t scream “deck the halls” quite like an inflatable Frosty or a nativity scene, but sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the usual holiday suspects. Although the tiger has nothing to do with the birth of Christ, the Korea Town Business Improvement Area lights him up every winter to symbolize, according to Korean mythology, well-being and prosperity. The organization commissioned Baekho, the 17-by-8.5-foot jungle cat, to mark the advent of a neighbourhood rejuvenation project back in 2005. Since then, the BIA has done much to upgrade the area, though none of its other initiatives—sidewalk beautification, improved garbage collection—exude the in-your-faceness of Baekho. He’s made out of more than 1,300 pounds of aluminum and 22,000 orange and white LED bulbs. Should he spark ambitions (à la Clark Griswold) of one-upping your neighbours’ light-up lawn trinketry, be warned: Baekho came with a $50,000 price tag and costs $7,000 annually to maintain and store.
• Question from Carl Mann of Little Italy
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What is the purpose of those multicoloured statues in the CityPlace park?
(Photo by Caitlan Durlack)
The sculptures are one set of several installations commissioned by Concord Adex for its new CityPlace green space. The mammoth condo developer spent $9 million on the park, making it the largest privately funded public art exhibit in Canadian history. For the task, the firm chose Douglas Coupland, the author of Generation X and an infamous lover of Lego, Canadiana and all things pop. With the west coast in mind, he designed giant replicas of the bobbers used by fishermen. In summer, water burbles up from the cement between them—perhaps a simulation of the Pacific Ocean. Also adding to the true north ambience is a cartoonish red canoe overlooking the Gardiner, and the Terry Fox Miracle Mile, a running and walking track encircling the park that’s punctuated with poster-sized pictures of our national hero. As for the exact purpose of the bobbers, well that’s liable to provoke heated debate among observers. Marxists might say it alludes to the role of fishermen in feeding the bourgeois inhabitants of the surrounding condos; patriots would probably argue it stimulates public dialogue on Canadian identity; and aesthetes would say it’s art for art’s sake. But the most practical interpretation is likely to come from toddlers, for whom it’s the city’s coolest new splash pad.
• Question from Margie Doverson of Scarborough
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Will Canada be offering the same H1N1-combatting nasal spray they have in the States? It seems preferable to a shot.
The spray you’re referring to is widely distributed in the United States (more than 5.5 million doses had been sent out by mid-October). But, like over-the-counter AK‑47s and In-N-Out Burgers, you can only get it south of the 49th. Before you sigh audibly, the flu mist has its downsides: it’s FDA-approved only for people aged two to 49, and it’s not recommended for pregnant women or anyone afflicted with such conditions as asthma, diabetes and lung disease. Given the recent CDC report that indicated more than half of severe swine sufferers were patients with pre-existing ailments, it looks like those who need protection most would be SOL if they wanted to take it up the snout. A needle prick is certainly more painful than a nasal spray, but it’s still the best way to ensure a swine-free citizenry.
• Question from Bobby Colangelo in Woodbridge
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Last year, I could have sworn I smelled liquor on the breath of a mall Santa. Do they pull these guys off the street?
(Photo from Veer)
If an encounter with a St. Nick who’s been dipping into the Christmas cheer is not the kind of memory you’re looking for, you’re not alone: an informal poll suggests smelly and grumpy Santas have tarnished the season for Toronto tykes over the years. How such social rejects manage to make it into the esteemed red and white uniform is a mystery to David Blow, the sales director at Fotonow, a company that supplies Santas to Yorkdale, Fairview Mall, Shoppers World and Bramalea City Centre. In his seven years on the job, he says, the nice Santa experiences have far outweighed the naughty: “Most of our guys have been with us for a long time. They care a lot about their work. The best ones really channel Santa.” Blow has only once been forced to cut a Claus loose, and that was because the man was too shy, not too schlitzed. The Kris Kringle pool (most regulars are 60-something retirees) is pretty tight. “For the past several years, all of our hires have come through referrals,” Blow says. For those considering a jolly career change, candidates must produce a clean police check. A natural beard is a plus (it also increases the pay scale, which ranges from $15 to $50 an hour), though fake whiskers are acceptable. As for Santa’s trademark bowlful-of-jelly belly, in men over 60, an ample paunch and rosy cheeks can indicate health issues, so svelte is fine, as long as you can support two sugar-jacked whipper-snappers on your lap at one time.
• Question from Daisy Gardener in The Beach
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