Screenshots from the app (Image: TouchBistro)

A Toronto-based software developer is trying to make scrawled order tickets a thing of the past with TouchBistro, an iOS app that aims to streamline the process of running a busy restaurant. With an iPad in hand, waiters can keep track of what tables they’re assigned to, show diners photographs of individual dishes, wirelessly transmit their orders to the kitchen and split bills on the fly. For managers, the software can generate daily sales reports and help with inventory and reservation management. The basic app is free, but the ability to print or email bills and quickly update an online menu costs $300 a year. And the hardware isn’t exactly cheap either; restaurants should prepare to shell out $1,500 for the basic infrastructure and $520 for each iPad after that—a good deal more than a laminated menu, but a good deal less than a full-blown POS setup like Squirrel. The system seems to be catching on—the people at TouchBistro tell us there are currently 30 restaurants in the city using the system, including Burger Bar, L’Ouvrier and 416 Snack Bar, whose Adrian Ravinsky is quoted on the TouchBistro site calling the product “beyond awesome.” The Harvest Grill at the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair even had a 14-iPad setup going. Whether all this will mean the end of the humble pen and paper remains to be seen.

Blondin’s tapioca course (Image: Gizelle Lau)

TBD is a monthly dining series that brings some of the city’s top chefs together with one of the foodie world’s current obsessions: the semi-secret pop-up dinner. Concocted by Dan Gutter (Drake Hotel, Auberge du Pommier, Susur) and designer Sukko Stach (Acadia), TBD offers one-time-only intimate dining experiences in a distinctive setting for no more than 12 guests. Past TBD dinners have featured Dustin Gallagher, Steve Gonzales and the guys behind Poutini’s. November’s TBD took place last week in a tucked-away private members’ club at the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair and featured Acadia chef Matt Blondin. For $150, the diners were exposed to Blondin’s wilder, more modernist side over 15 courses (with wine pairings). Here’s what it looked like »

Phillip Addis as Don Giovanni, giant pumpkins at the Royal Winter Agricultural Fair, Matthew Good

1. LITERARY DEATH MATCH TORONTO
In this singularly silly lit event, four authors (Grace O’Connell, Carolyn Black, Rebecca Rosenblum and Dani Couture this time around) give readings of their best pieces of writing. After each reading, the panel of judges (poet Ryan Kamstra, comedian Lindy Zucker and National Post books editor Mark Medley) offer up American Idol–esque commentary (more Paula than Simon) before narrowing the field to two finalists, who compete in a madcap showdown (last time involved throwing cupcakes at a poster of Margaret Atwood). November 6. $10. Gladstone Hotel, 1214 Queen St. W., 416-531-4635, literarydeathmatch.com.

2. THE ROYAL AGRICULTURAL WINTER FAIR
Even the hippest Torontonian could use a little rodeo in their lives now and again. The annual fair is back in town, with its gigantic horses, veggies of unusual proportion, craft shopping and the ever-popular SuperDogs. We do have one small beef with this longtime Toronto tradition: why does it have to be called the winter fair? For the record, it’s still fall, and we’re not nearly ready for winter yet. November 4 to 13. $22. Ricoh Coliseum, 100 Princes’ Blvd., 416-263-3400, royalfair.org.

3. DON GIOVANNI
One of Mozart’s most popular operas, this Opera Atelier performance combines drama, dark comedy and the supernatural to tell the tale of the titular character (played by Phillip Addis), a lascivious playboy who gets his comeuppance via hellfire, demons and a most unusual statue. With Carla Huhtanen as Zerlina and Vasil Garvanliev as Leporello, backed by the Tafelmusik Orchestra. To November 5. $55–$175. Elgin Theatre, 189 Yonge St., 416-870-8000, ticketmaster.ca.

4. SMASH, BANG, BOOM! (FREE!)
For most, college nostalgia runs more to the keggers and “study dates” than to actual school work. But for those who think back just as fondly on their lectures, there’s this series of science talks hosted by the Royal Canadian Institute for the Advancement of Science. This one, by Natalia Toro of the Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics, is part particle physics 101 and part musings on the Large Hadron Collider, which smashes protons or lead ions into one another and monitors what happens next. November 6. MacLeod Auditorium, Medical Sciences Building, 1 King’s College Circle, 416-977-2983, http://www.yorku.ca/rci/Site/Fall_11.html.

5. LEONARDO DA VINCI’S WORKSHOP
Leonardo da Vinci might be more famous for the painterly left side of his brain, but this exhibit celebrates his greatest achievements on the right. Featuring a reproduction of the master’s workshop and full-scale models of some of his most ambitious designs, including a mechanical lion and soldier and a self-propelling cart. Visitors can also browse Da Vinci’s notebooks in digital form. To March 18. $17–25. Ontario Science Centre, 770 Don Mills Rd., 416-696-1000, ontariosciencecentre.ca.

6. THE SECRET LIFE OF A SCHOOLMISTRESS
The Historic Zion Schoolhouse, which was built in the late 1800s and looks now just as it did in 1910, is both the setting and venue of this site-specific performance. School mistress Hattie Dickson (Adrianna Prosser) is on the cusp of retirement, but before she leaves the schoolhouse for the last time, she reflects on her years of teaching—ups, downs, lifelong secrets and all. Advanced tickets required. November 4 and 5. $22. 1091 Finch Ave. E., 416-395-7432, toronto.ca/culture/museums/featured-events.htm.

7. ANIMALS THAT HOOT AND HOWL IN THE NIGHT
This nature walk is not technically a spooky event (we are, after all, well past Halloween). Still, there’s something pleasantly hair-raising about going on a night hike to look for nocturnal animals. Visitors also meet a real live owl, practice animal calls and end the evening roasting marshmallows over a bonfire. November 5. Adults $12, seniors, students and children $6, ages four and under free. Kortright Centre for Conservation, 9550 Pine Valley Dr., 416-832-2289, kortright.org.

8. MATTHEW GOOD
We have a special place in our hearts for alt rocker and BC native Matthew Good, whose eponymous band’s 1997 album Underdogs provided the soundtrack to countless middle school lives. But nostalgia isn’t the only thing Good’s got going for him—he broke up the band in 2002, and his solo work since then has been just as strong. He’s touring in support of his latest release, Lights of Endangered Species, so expect to hear songs like the mellow “What If I Can’t See the Stars Mildred.” November 3 and 4. $39.50–55. Queen Elizabeth Theatre, Exhibition Place, 190 Princes’ Blvd., 416-870-8000, ticketmaster.ca.

(Images: Addis, Bruce Zinger; pumpkins, Suzanne Long; Good, Sean McGrath)

(Images: Michael Graydon )

OK, what’s wrong with this picture: white ceilings, white walls, white mouldings, white lacquered floors and two kids under five. Robyn Scott, a 37-year-old former institutional equities trader, freely admits to being a textbook type-A personality, which may explain why she chose such a crazy-making colour scheme. When she and her husband, Steven, the owner and CEO of Access Storage, decided to gut their newly purchased Forest Hill home, her friends tried to dissuade her from the all-white crusade, but Robyn was determined. She wanted a striking backdrop for her eclectic antique furniture.

Robyn approached 10 different contractors before she found an industrial flooring company willing to take on the lacquering job. Most of them balked at the idea of covering the beautiful hardwood. Then she found Michael Pelaic of Paint-Co in Mississauga, who approached the commission as an art project. The process was gruelling: sanding, epoxy primer, more sanding, more primer, then four coats of semi-gloss epoxy coating and two coats of high-gloss polyurethane topcoat—on all three storeys. The job took three weeks to complete.

In November 2009, after a 16-month reno, they moved in. The newly lacquered floors were so shiny Robyn could see her reflection. Then winter temperatures arrived, and the brand new floors cracked; they had to have them filled and repainted. A month later, the Scotts tempted fate and hosted a raucous 37th birthday party for Steven, with dancing until 4 a.m. Some friends knew to bring slippers, but Robyn found one guest in five-inch stilettos desperately trying to rub off the scuff marks she had left. Robyn finally had to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. “There will always be scuffs and sticky palm prints on the walls,” she says. “Now I just shrug—nothing is perfect.”

Robyn enlisted Neil James from StyleGarage to design a custom glass and stainless steel table, as well as benches and bar stools covered in soft grey leather.

Two-year-old William likes to pedal his old-fashioned toy Mercedes all over the house, though his mom would prefer he kept it in the kitchen.

The kitchen island was made from a nine-foot slab of Carrara marble from Crystal Tile and Marble at Dufferin and Lawrence.

Robyn, who does not cook, says her cookbook collection consists mainly of gag gifts from friends.

The matching blue Buddha heads were a gift from Robyn’s mother, who thought the kitchen needed a shock of colour.

This 1969 soapstone head (Robyn doesn’t know who it’s supposed to be a carving of, but likes it anyway) came from Era antiques at Queen and Roncesvalles.

The photograph above the couch, “Bibliothèque de Louis,” is from Robert Polidori’s Versailles series. It used to hang in their previous home, in a room full of French antiques. The Scotts love the depth it adds to the living room.

The coffee table is a canti­levered brass piece by Karl Springer, sourced from Todd Merrill Antiques in New York. Robyn spends hours searching for antiques on 1stdibs.com; she admits to having a minor obsession with tables.

While Steven defers to his wife on most decor decisions, he had one demand: a comfortable couch. They went with a Sloan Mauran custom design—in white, of course.

The side table is a vintage piece in the style of 1970s designer Charles Hollis Jones, from Decorum on Yonge Street.

This 1970s brass sculpture is also a 1stdibs.com find.

Gord Downie Canada’s backwoods bard flies Hip-less on his latest record, The Grand Bounce, backed instead by the Country of Miracles ensemble. Julie Doiron’s smoky voice is the perfect complement to Downie’s as it freewheels through “The East Wind” and “Moon Over Glenora,” both ideal canoe trip anthems. Find out more >>

Rendevous With Madness Film Festival This fest pays attention to what’s going on upstairs by focusing on films dealing with mental illness and addiction. A favourite on this year’s marquee is My Suicide, an indie dramedy about a nerdy teen who’s planning to off himself on camera—sort of a 21st-century Harold, sans Maude. Find out more >>

Bell Lightbox Two months after TIFF, the shiny new Lightbox hasn’t lost its celebrity lustre. Following a screening of Robert Altman’s Nashville, The Trotsky director Jacob Tierney interviews Altman go-to character actor Michael Murphy. Find out more >>

Gidon Kremer and the Kremerata Baltica Chamber Orchestra Violinist Gidon Kremer isn’t one to play it safe. For this performance, he’ll perform Schumann’s Cello Concerto arranged for violin and a Schubert minuet. Find out more >>

Giddy up! (Images provided by the Royal Winter Fair)

1.    CAPTURE THE FLAG (FREE!)
The suit-filled streets of the financial district get a Newmindspace make-over during this huge game of capture the flag on Bay. Teams get 10 minutes to plan before the game starts; organizers suggest bringing cellphones (for strategizing) and flashlights (it gets dark just after 6 now). Nov. 6. 8:30 p.m. Southwest corner of King and Bay Streets, newmindspace.com.

2.    DAY OF THE DEAD FESTIVAL (FREE!)
A Mexican tradition that can be traced back at least 3,000 years, Dia de los Muertos (translation: Day of the Dead) sounds like Halloween. But instead of kids dressing up and scoring candy, it’s about honouring the memory of friends and family who have passed away. As we expect from Harbourfront festivals, food demos (by chef Francisco Alejandri), music (mariachi and Latin alt-rock) and art abound. Nov. 6 and 7. Harbourfront Centre, 235 Queens Quay W., 416-973-4000, harbourfrontcentre.com.

3.    THE MERCHANTS OF BOLLYWOOD
The Merchant family, one of Bollywood’s many dynasties (see also, the Deols, Khans and Kapoors), gets the Hollywood biopic treatment in this musical. Using 30 performers, 3,800 costumes and both contemporary and traditional song and dance, including choreography by Vaibhavi Merchant and music by Salim and Sulaiman Merchant, the play tells the story of the family’s 90 years in the industry. Nov. 4 to 14. $25–$84. Sony Centre for the Performing Arts, 1 Front St. E., 416-870-8000, ticketmaster.ca.

4.    TORONTO SKETCH COMEDY FESTIVAL
This six-night laugh fest features the gut-busting talents of 40-plus comedy troupes, and we’re looking forward to catching our local faves, like Statutory Jape, She Said What and The Riot. Also on the bill, jokesters from L.A., New York, Cleveland, London and Vancouver and, for the first time ever, a free midnight madness series. Nov. 2 to 7. $15 per show, four-show pass $40, full festival pass $60. Lower Ossington Theatre, 100A Ossington Ave.; Comedy Bar, 945 Bloor St. W.; The Second City, 51 Mercer St., torontosketchfest.com.

5.    THE ROYAL AGRICULTURAL WINTER FAIR
We have fond memories of this elementary school field trip staple: prize-winning cows, gigantic gourds and horses three times as tall as we were. As grown-ups, we’ve expanded our horizons and are also excited to see the rodeo. Let’s be honest—it’s as close to being cowgirls as we’re going to get. Nov. 5 to 14. Admission $18. Direct Energy Centre, 100 Princes Blvd., 416-263-3400, royalfair.org.

6.    KIDS CAN EMBRACE DIFFERENCE DAY
Part book launch, part life lesson, this Small Print Toronto event is for the under-eight set. Celebrating the arrival of two new picture books from Kids Can Press (David Bruins and Hilary Leung’s The Way of the Ninja and Kyo MacLear’s Spork), the theme of the day is “what makes you different makes you special.” Stories, crafts, songs and games are all on the agenda, as well as a meet and greet with the authors. Nov. 6. Family pass $10. Gladstone Hotel, 1214 Queen St. W., smallprinttoronto.org.

7.    ULTIMATE FASHION SWAP PARTY
Budget shoppers are the target audience for this clothing party–slash–image workshop. Attendees can trade their gently used frocks, tops and kicky accessories, get liquid liner application tips at a makeup demo and get some off-the-cuff image consulting at an image and style mini-workshop. Nov. 6. $30. Green Instead, 200 Spadina Ave., swapsity.ca/pages/clothing_swap_meet.

8.    STARRY NIGHTS GALA
Toronto charity Ve’havta, a humanitarian and relief organization based on the Jewish value of tzedakah (the obligation to do justice), is all about the star-studded galas. Past Starry Nights events have seen keynote speeches by Mia Farrow and Mariane Pearl. This year, rock star humanitarian Bob Geldof will be delivering the big speech, while House creator, writer and executive producer David Shore will emcee. Nov. 7. $500. Toronto Centre for the Arts, 5040 Yonge St., veahavta.org.

Tony "The Decider" Clement (Image: Geoff Cheng)

A while back, we mentioned that the Conservative government, either to stoke its base or simply avoid embarrassing photo-ops, had rejigged its funding of big events around Canada in a way that left Pride Toronto with no federal funding. The government said then that this was just a result of a policy designed to spread the wealth around (socialism, anyone?), but a CBC report tells a different story. The national broadcaster is reporting that the decisions were made at the almost-top: Industry Minister Tony Clement was personally choosing which events got which money (that is, when he wasn’t rewriting Canada’s copyright laws, commissioning fake lakes or dropping a tonne of cash in his own Muskoka riding).

During a parliamentary committee on Thursday, Richard Dicerni, deputy minister of Industry Canada, said Clement had final say on which projects would be funded.

Clement, for his part, didn’t deny that as he left the House of Commons….  ”I take responsibility for all decisions in my department,” Clement said.

For the record, Toronto wasn’t shut out of funding: Luminato and the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair both got Tony’s stamp of approval. All that parsimony had an effect: after cutting costs by slashing funding to Pride, the program was left with $12 million unspent. To put that in context, $12 million is equal to 200 fake lakes.

• Clement had final say on cultural funding [CBC News]

Unfunded: Toronto Pride gets shafted by the feds (Image: Neal Jennings)

Who can forget last summer, when then–tourism minister Diane Ablonczy, surrounded by drag queens, handed nearly half a million dollars to Toronto’s gay pride festival. The Conservative party went a little bit crackers, and many alleged that Ablonczy was punished for supporting the event. The debacle posed a number of problems for Prime Minister Stephen Harper, so this year he’s come up with a tidy little solution: Toronto Pride will get exactly $0 for its 2010 festival. An event that attracts hundreds of thousands of tourists to Toronto will get nothing from a program designed to boost tourism in Canada. The obvious question is, Why?

The National Post has some theories:

So intense was the caucus backlash last July against a publicity photo of then-tourism minister Diane Ablonczy awarding $400,000 to a Pride committee group, including busty transvestites, the story goes, that the order to Industry Canada was to design a new process that would ensure the event would not qualify again.

“They’ve been on top of this since way back then to make sure this doesn’t happen again,” says one Tory close to the Industry Minister. “They had a year to restructure the program in a way that would exclude Toronto Pride.”

But that’s just one version. Other senior Tories have others. One posited that Prime Minister Stephen Harper enjoys stoking social issues that divide the Liberal caucus.

And so does the Star, which notes that the Conservatives have been playing more and more to their base:

Consider, as well, other recent moves by the government, such as defunding women’s groups, excluding abortion from its international maternal health initiative, and pushing legislation to scrap the long-gun registry.

May we add slamming the CBC?

The Tories’ defence is that Montreal and Toronto are given only two grants each as a way of helping out smaller cities. Only problem is, that policy was brought in directly after the last crack-up over Pride funding. Suspicious, to say the least. Then there’s the fact that while denying Pride any money, the Tories did manage to find some spare change for Luminato and the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair. Farmers need that much help showing city slickers their livestock, apparently.

We don’t need much explanation for yet another example of Toronto’s magical money-repelling powers. This will, however, help bridge any remaining gaps between Toronto’s different tribes. Transit users and Pride revellers are now in the same boat—neither of us gets any money from Ottawa.

• Grants and drag queens don’t mix [National Post]
• Harper shows anti-gay side [Toronto Star]
• Tories say Gay Pride “well looked-after” [Toronto Star]
• ‘Why does ideology trump economics’ in funding gay pride? [Globe and Mail]

Missy is also a top-notch producer, providing 50 per cent more milk than the average cow, all of it higher in protein. Over the next seven years, Missy could spawn up to 75 supercows that carry her elite genes. Of course, on the downside, mass idolization of Missy’s nearly unobtainable physical attributes can’t be good for the self-esteem of cows worldwide.

Famed meat lover Sarah Palin (Photo by Roger H. Goun)

• Sarah Palin takes aim at vegetarians in her highly anticipated memoir, Going Rogue. The moose-hunting former governor’s justification for being a meat eater: “If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?” Perhaps Palin should present her infallible logic to Hillary Clinton over carnivorous scones when the two meet for coffee. [Examiner]

• Paris no longer reigns supreme as the Michelin star capital of the world. With 11 three-star restaurants, Tokyo has inched ahead of the City of Light, which houses a meagre 10. Some observers say that comparing the two cities isn’t fair, as Tokyo is home to about 160,000 restaurants—about four times as many as Paris. [Bloomberg]

• A Holstein from P.E.I. can now join the ranks of cows to sell for over $1 million (there were only five in North America to earn the honour before her). Missy, as she is known, has been dubbed the “Claudia Schiffer of the milking parlour” for her looks, but the hefty price is largely attributable to her ability to produce 50 per cent more milk than the average cow—about 50 kilograms per day. Her appearance at this year’s Royal Agricultural Winter Fair in Toronto was deemed the highlight of the show. [Globe and Mail]

• As if officials at the U.S.-Mexico border didn’t have enough to worry about, they can now add seafood delicacies to their watch list. Two Chinese citizens were caught Sunday trying to smuggle over 300 pounds of sea cucumbers into the States. Sea cucumbers are often dried to use in Chinese soups and can fetch up to $45 a pound, but it’s illegal to import food into the U.S. without declaring it. [L.A. Times]

• Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc., a Vermont company, has purchased Timothy’s World Coffee for $165 million from Sun Capital Partners. The deal is expected to broaden distribution for the U.S. company’s coffee machines and single-serving beverage pods throughout Canada. They also plan to open a roastery in Toronto for their fair-trade beans. [Financial Post]

Butter, the devil you know

The Royal Agricultural Winter Fair starts today, and since we can only spend so much time gawking at horses and Prince Charles, we thought we’d scope out some of the more interesting (read: weird) things to take in at the Ex this week. With its butter-carving contests and dog tricks, the fair proves that rural exhibitions can be fascinating to city folk—as long as they know what to avoid. Here, five choice destinations:

Butter Sculpture
Contestants receive a 25-kilogram block of butter to sculpt into an object representing this year’s verbose theme: “Agriculture and equine youth participation at the Fair.” Participants are given nine hours to scrape, mould and melt the blocks of dairy fat into winning designs. Viewers can stroll by and see the artists at work or view the final products on display from November 12 to 15. We shudder to think how they dispose of these creations. Nov. 6 to 11, 9–5:30. Dairy Product Cooler, Hall B.

Honey Competition
Apiarists can enter five distinct types of honey—granulated, comb, cut comb, liquid, chunk—in hopes of winning the coveted Premier Exhibitor Award, presented to the entrant with the most points in each category. There’s even a section for beeswax and beeswax candles. Due to health regulations, visitors cannot taste the honey, but the beeswax will be on sale. Nov. 6 to 15, 9–9. Upper East Annex.

Giant Veggie Competition
Growers enter their largest vegetables, and aspiring farmers can purchase seeds to grow their own huge veggies. Sounds fun, but our plan is simpler: make jokes about the class-four entries—gourds measured by length. The freakish vegetables will be on display throughout the fair. Nov. 7 to 15. Hall B.

SuperDogs
In addition to groan-inducing puns (dogs will “bow-WOW” audiences), this event features canines running obstacles, flinging themselves over barriers, singing and dancing. SuperDogs is one of the most popular events of the fair, especially among kids, so come early. Nov. 6 to 15, three or four shows daily (times vary). Royal Family Theatre, Hall D.

The House of Soy
The 1,200-square-foot home will be filled with soy foam furniture—including mattresses and cushions—as well as soy soap, skin care products, paint, carpet and more. The display is presented by the Ontario Soybean Growers in a push to educate the public on the uses of soy. Organizers will have soy-based food and drink products on hand, as well. Nov. 6 to 15, 9–9. House of Soy, Hall B.

Royal Agricultural Winter Fair, Nov. 6 to 15. $17. Exhibition Place, The Direct Energy Centre, 100 Princes Blvd., 416-263-3400, royalfair.org.