Canada’s Best Beauty Talent, episode 1: approximately 12 minutes of nothing

Rogers Media launched its web series Canada’s Best Beauty Talent last night, with host supermodel Coco Rocha swapping her hammy ways for robotic movements and script reading. In the series, 12 beauty professionals (six hair artists, six makeup artists) vie for the opportunity to win a trip to Paris to “experience the world of L’Oréal” (kind of vague), guest blog for Chatelaine (okay) and get two-page features in Flare, Hello! Canada and Loulou magazines (that’s one way to become overexposed). In typical reality TV form, expect zany hi-jinx, like a beauty expert awkwardly wandering on screen and telling two contestants they’re the least attractive of the bunch.

Guest judge Vittorio (no last name given) doesn’t wait for a logical cue for his entrance, simply waltzing in while Rocha is talking about how the contestants will, basically, be judged on whether or not they are attractive. Vittorio tells contestants Léa and Isabelle that they are the least stylish and gives Cait and Patrick the honour of being named the most beautiful. Make no mistake, these are fairly arbitrary distinctions, because no one on this show is actually unattractive—this seems to be the show’s way of stirring up a little reality TV drama, but it’s ultimately unsuccessful because no one cries, no one calls their parents from a confessional room and there is nary an F-bomb heard (within earshot, at least). The reason Vittorio is asked to come in and call people ugly is so they can decide who will be duking it out this week in a beauty challenge, which consists of two teams of two (each uggo gets paired with a hottie) “making a stylish look” for a model. And that’s all that happens. We barely even get a good look at the final “stylish looks,” because apparently the judging portion of the show requires its very own 12-minute episode (tonight). This has to be the least taxing hosting gig on the planet—Rocha is quite clearly laughing all the way to the bank. (No, seriously, this is all that happens.)

• Coco Rocha still counts with her fingers

• Apparently, “Ready, set, style” is a catchphrase people will find charming (how clever!)

• Pink eyebrows are weird (sorry, Isabelle!)

• Vittorio wears a blazer with what appears to be a built-in hoodie, so we feel like he’s the last person who should be commenting on how attractive the contestants are (but we’ll give him credit for selecting Cait, who is very, very pretty)