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The Final Goodbye

Our eyes feel like they’re bleeding; our lungs are steel wool. There are 13 empty cups and bottles surrounding our laptop. Every so often we reach to take a sip and—blech!—that latte’s from last week, circa Burn After Reading. Press releases, batteries, loose change, Vaseline and deteriorating apples litter our desks. Caressing our feet are swag bags, many of the boxes half-open from 3 a.m. chocolate quests. A dead moth has been wilted in a puddle of Baileys for nine days, and each day we check to see if it has altered form; for whatever reason, this was a source of comfort. Days were spent tearing through Yorkville, dashing from one interview to the next, stalking celebrities and making friends with doormen. Subsisting on coffee and nuts, we plowed through the streets like vamped-up Harriet the Spies, ears perked and eyes alert for the most provocative scoop. In the evening, clothes were torn off and makeup pressed on; then, a game began to find glamour in the pile of dirty laundry. A hobble up to Dundas in ridiculously steep stilettos would end with the violent hailing of a cab. Nights were a maze, us searching endlessly for the most happening TIFF hoo-ha, knocking back a half-dozen dirty martinis along the way. So many new friends were made! Returning home, battered by the decadence, the night would end with some bleary-eyed typing, sorting of all the miscellaneous cards collected (“Henry who?”), and two Advil for good measure.

Now, when we look into the immediate future, all we see are country fairs, pumpkins and corn. The biggest thing on our agenda is what to be for Halloween, and this is making us angry. We miss you, Brad Pitt! Goodbye, everyone! Until next year.—Jen McNeely

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THE BEST & WORST OF TIFF ’08: Our Scene & Herd reporters list their most desperate moments, most exciting celebrity encounters and most hostile starlet

Most unexpected confession from a celebrity: “I mean, I have sex…and my sex is very, very boring. Very sloppy. I mean, I’m a total bottom and don’t get up on top,” said Kevin Smith, director of Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

Most frustrating “look but don’t touch” moment: The cake buffet at the Holt Renfrew bash was for your eyes only. And once, Brad Pitt was 20 feet away, giving us a raised-eyebrow stare-down, but he remained totally off limits. Many more best and worsts, after the jump.

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IN DEFENCE OF TIFF: Cantankerous critic Rex Reed spews vitriol over TIFF ’08, makes us miss Statler and Waldorf

Brooding over the “news” that TIFF has grown into a city-wide marketing ploy packed with overpriced hotel rooms and celebrities adept at hide-and-seek, film crank-critic Rex Reed writes in the New York Observer that this year’s Toronto International Film Festival sucks because things just ain’t how they used to be. You know, in the good old days—when Reed didn’t have problems controlling his bladder or stomaching fried foods, when he could chat with Clint Eastwood at Bistro 990 (the place to hang in town because, back then, it was the only place to hang in town).

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Stalking the stalkers: Gossip Girl Lainey protects the red carpet

We were side-by-side with Elaine Lui on the red carpet this weekend when the Gossip Girl witnessed a smoker commit festival blasphemy by ashing and stomping out her cigarette on the red carpet. After whispering a how-dare-she comment to her cameraman, Lainey asked the woman to butt out elsewhere. We’re with you, Lainey. Red carpet arrivals are super-stressful for ushers and staff, but no starlet wants a cigarette butt stuck to the train of her designer dress—or her heels, for that matter.—Melita Kuburas

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