We swear at each other from cars, bark at each other on the TTC and yell into our cellphones. How a supposedly livable city suddenly turned boorish
(Illustration by Kagan McLeod)
I got into a cat fight the other day at the Bolshoi ballet, one of those live satellite transmissions at my local Cineplex, where people arrive an hour early to get a good seat. The orchestra in Moscow hadn’t yet begun warming up when one balletomane barked at me for sitting in her territory, a 10-seat swath ambiguously marked with scattered scarves and hats. “You can’t sit there,” she said, with surprising nastiness. When I chose a seat farther down the row, she snapped, “That’s taken, too.” Steaming, I moved to a third spot and plunked my bag down on the seat beside me, not to save it for anyone, but to ensure zero human contact after being bullied by Lady Ten-Seat.
Rudeness is contagious. When another woman arrived a minute later and needed two seats, I set my jaw. “You’re not going to move your bag?” she asked, incredulous. “Nope,” I replied. We exchanged sharp words. “I’m tired of being pushed around by your friend,” I finally hissed, nodding at Lady Ten-Seat. It turned out not only did they not know one another, but my newfound adversary had just received the same rude treatment. “Now I’m totally edgy, too,” she confessed, suddenly extending her hand. “I’m Jane. Let’s be friends.” Mortified, I shook her hand, apologized and moved my coat. Then we all settled in to watch Giselle.
I wish such hostile encounters were rare, but it’s hard to navigate the city these days without experiencing friction. At least that’s my observation. Perhaps I’m just a magnet for trouble. Perhaps you, on the other hand, float through winter with people politely stepping into snowbanks to let you pass; perhaps you’ve never been held captive to a cellphone user’s inane conversation on a streetcar. But I say civility is on the decline, and the evidence is everywhere.
In the ongoing reality show that is Rob Ford’s city hall, Don Cherry set the uncivil tone with his Coach’s Corner–like rant during the mayor’s swearing-in ceremony. When anti-poverty protesters invaded a budget committee meeting in February—an intentionally rude gesture in itself—first brother Doug Ford grumbled, “Get a job!”
Meanwhile, new technology has given us all inventive ways to be bad-mannered. People check Twitter feeds while dining with friends. And thanks to cellphones, no one’s ever technically late because you can now text-message the poor sap waiting for you: “Hey, I’m five minutes away!”
This new standard of punctuality has infected other spheres. More and more people seem to arrive late for the theatre and concerts. Fortunately, the Toronto Symphony typically schedules a short introductory piece, so applause covers the sound of latecomers climbing over the legs and laps of others. At the end of the performance, some don’t even bother with a perfunctory acknowledgement of the artists, rushing for the exits before the orchestra has taken its first bow. (What is it with these patrons of the arts?)
In Canada’s biggest, most congested city, the rudeness epidemic is most obvious on our roads. Recently, while I was driving, a man in a car behind me honked his horn, and a nanosecond later the driver in front of me gave me the finger. Everyone is stressed out simply going to and from work; our average commuting time of 80 minutes a day—the equivalent of more than 40 work days a year—is among the worst in the world. No wonder drivers cut each other off or nearly mow down pedestrians. And no wonder pedestrians retaliate by crossing intersections at an aggravatingly slow, I’m-entitled-to-walk-like-I’m-93-years-old pace when a car is trying to make a turn. It makes you want to run them over.
Agree with road rage but generally people in Toronto are much more polite and gracious than in the uk :)
May 4, 2011 at 9:28 am | by NicWhat you have touched upon is a growing reality, only take it from a former Montrealer living in Toronto, it’s not Toronto. In general, Toronto, via its clean-cut image, has managed to attract the “considerates”. People wait in line, pedestrians cross only in designated areas, no one smokes where they’re not supposed to. It can actually be quite nauseating sometimes living around a bunch of goody two-shoes who always seem to be tsk-tsk’ing you if you cross the line.
May 4, 2011 at 10:05 am | by Mike BenhaimIn Montreal, people practically dare each other to say something. Everyone weaves in and out of traffic, there is no such thing as stopping traffic because someone decided to cross the street. They do so at their own peril, and it’s actually fun (until someone loses an eye). Never the less, as we approach our 40s and start a family, we begin to appreciate clean neighborhoods with safe schools (relatively speaking) and responsible, vigilant adults all around.
Toronto, you are the dorky class president of Canada, but sometimes, it’s “Hip to be square”.
Agree with Nic. Also, MUCH MUCH more gracious than in Kazakhstan. On my latest trip, I noticed that my car-driving aunt would not so much as pause for pedestrians, even though they have the right of way. Poor pedestrians have to make a crazy dash across the street on a green light, trying to dodge the extra fast cars. My aunt’s excuse is that everyone drives that way. Imagine that.
May 4, 2011 at 10:31 am | by NeliaWhat a ridiculous article. The generalizations this magazine is willing to make for the sake of filling pages never cease to amaze me. Accept the fact, as I have, that Toronto is really not THAT important and that we do not have an identity, whether good or bad, as this article suggests. We are merely to New York or London what Winnipeg” or Jacksonville is to Toronto. And that’s ok.
May 4, 2011 at 10:48 am | by G. S.Actually I agree with the article, not that Toronto is the worst city in the world in terms of civility, but it’s up there with NYC and other major cities. Perhaps people are too stressed out, or there are too many of us so it does not have the community feeling some other smaller cities/towns have.
Currently I live in Dublin, and compared to Toronto the Irish people’s friendliness is surprising. Perhaps us Torontonians can work on our manners, in hopes that it’ll catch on and the next article could perhaps be about Toronto’s niceness, not the other way around.
May 4, 2011 at 11:09 am | by EllieI agree that Toronto is changing.
People seem to be in such a rush to get somewhere that you can hear people sighing loudly, and see them glaring at you when you’re buying something. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of patience in Toronto. It seems that a minute or two to wait in line is way too much these days.
I’ve worked in customer service for many years (retail, restaurant, and call centre) and people can be real bullies. I feel I’ve been bullied by adults who are supposed to be “mature.” I’ve been sworn at, talked down to, dismissed, yelled at, and more for food, a t-shirt, and waiting for a table. Not worth it, but I needed the money.
People feel like they are entitled to everything because they are spending their money, and that the person behind the cash register is there to serve on bended knee for them.
I find it so sick that people can become so enraged by something that isn’t even the person’s fault. Even if there is a problem, why can’t someone be civil and mature about it? There really is no need to be rude, yell, and put the other person down. I’ve seen this happen and been the recipient of this bullying way too often.
I hope more people read this article. Toronto, take a step back, think about the person on the other side. They are a human being and have feelings too.
If I can quote the Golden Rule “do not treat people in a way you would not wish to be treated yourself.”
May 4, 2011 at 11:33 am | by SKI agree with SK. Toronto has changed. This used to be a nicer city and now it’s becoming like NYC, a place I don’t like for I find it detached and if you stand still for too long, somebody is destined to walk over you in a rush. People are rude, their mp3 players on the TTC are terrible as I’m subjected to ear splitting music, not of my choice and the annoying “ping” on BBM. Nobody cares anymore. I came from a country with a deep sense of community and it’s not even present in any form here. Worse yet as an immigrant, it makes life even harder but that’s another story all together.
I work in retail and I see the sense of entitlement in customers who are upset with you even when the matter is beyond your control and it’s really a joy having a credit card thrown at you when at cash. Really polite.
Nobody cares anymore in Toronto.
May 4, 2011 at 12:05 pm | by AMIn my experience this epidemic is less apparent in the annex. I’m sure the same is true of other neighbourhoods, but that is where I spend the bulk of my time and it is what I’ve noticed. Neighbours are friendly, passers-by smile, and people are generally pretty accepting and welcoming. Obviously I’ve encountered some uppity exceptions, but for the most part, people are lovely!
Shoppers at the Eaton Centre on the other hand…
May 4, 2011 at 12:52 pm | by Sillyyeah…. I don’t think this is just a Toronto issue. Ill mannered people seem to be everywhere these days. I deal with them by transcending it – as soon as someone is a jerk, you can just smile and know that something is making THEM miserable, but you don’t need to be.
May 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm | by mike in parkdaleAgreed, mike in parkdale. Serenity is the best solution.
Also good is accountability. I’ve taken to picking up litter and giving it back to the litterers, asking them to take responsibility for their things like an adult. Sometimes it works. If enough of us do it …
Oh, and the idea that Toronto is an especially rude place for a big city is simply ridiculous, as other commenters have noted. Try London or Vancouver, let alone NYC.
May 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm | by Adam“This isn’t a joke. Studies show a correlation between giving the finger and traffic fatalities…. a study by Matthew Nagler, a professor at the City College of New York, who looked at traffic-finger data and traffic fatalities across various states. Nagler found that in places where more people gave the finger, there were more traffic deaths.”
This conclusion seems rather specious. The finger and the fatalities could simply be caused by the same variable: crazy traffic. To suggest some sort of causality between the finger and traffic deaths isn’t supported by a mere observational correlation. I imagine in places where people wear parkas, there are more snowmobile deaths, but it would be ridiculous to draw much from the correlation.
Also, be careful of your assumptions. “Not surprisingly, men are more likely to give the traffic finger than women. Surprisingly, rich people are more likely to flip the bird than poor.” Why exactly are these things surprising or not surprising? Rudeness is more likely to be found in one gender more than the other? Really? Even among drivers I don’t buy that for a second. And why would you assume rich people would be less rude?
May 4, 2011 at 2:57 pm | by JimToronto The Rude, written by Jan Wong, one of the rudest writers in Toronto history.
and Toronto Life’s snarky behavior doesn’t help either.
May 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm | by MMIn my opinion the rudeness has a lot to do with the fact that this City is over-crowded and in a few yrs will become even worse. I have seen pple be very pushy everywhere such as on Transit and in the Mall because they are having a hardt time getting around the crowds, yes there are pple who are still poilte and considerate but this issue will become even worse with time as the City becomes even more overcrowded! I wonder if this is among the main reasons that places like Britain and the U.S have elected to reduce immigration. This is something that seriously needs to be addressed now!!
May 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm | by Ria@ Adam- I’ve often thought of handing dropped litter back to the lout, wiping my hand on the person who barged her way out from the bar, unnecessarily spilling my drink all over me, or even producing an air horn and honking right back at the impatient driver once removed who thinks I’m taking too long to cross and impeding his illegal turn. What stops me is not the fear of violent retaliation – as it might in the UK or US – but the shrinking anticipation of a barrage of eye-rolling, huffing and puffing, or barely audible uttered ‘fuck yous’. These passive aggressive behaviours are so mentally draining and SO Toronto. But, if you want to read a better deconstruction of this behaviour, read ‘Talk to the Hand’ by Lynn Truss.
May 4, 2011 at 7:25 pm | by GWhat a ludicrous article. You are grumpy and argumentative. You blame the entire other city for your own appalling behaviour. You are bitchy, therefore the entire city has become bitchy. It is all about you and your bad mood.
May 5, 2011 at 1:40 am | by Pat MullenMaybe you need a break, or something, but this is one of the stupidest articles I have read in a good many years.