How our city is proof that if a post-racial society is possible, it will begin in the bedroom
(Image: Asaf Hanuka)
This fall, my husband and I will mark the 34th anniversary of our Chinese-Jewish marriage. Back in 1976, some folks (OK, my parents) fretted it would never last. “Think of the kids! Neither side will accept them,” my mother warned. It took 14 years—and the birth of our first child—before she quit running in hysterics from her house whenever my husband dropped by. (I’m not kidding.)
Yet in 2010, not only am I still married, with two fairly acceptable sons, I find myself living in the mixed-marriage capital of Canada. Toronto famously blazed the way for same-sex marriage. Today, it turns out to be a Petri dish for innovative people combos. According to the latest Statistics Canada data, nearly twice as many Toronto couples are in mixed marriages, legal and common law, as the rest of Canadians, 7.1 per cent versus 3.9 per cent. That number covers all existing unions, including dusty old ones like mine.
The much more impressive stat is how many young visible minorities are marrying outside their tribes. In what the census bureau calls the Metropolitan Area of Toronto (which includes Pickering and Ajax to the east, Milton and Oakville to the west, and Georgina on the shores of Lake Simcoe to the north), 45 per cent of second-generation immigrants who are married or living common law are doing so with someone of a different race or ethnicity. By the third generation, it spikes to a stunning 68 per cent.
The next time a wedding motorcade honks at you, check out the newlyweds: more often than not, the happy couple will be crossing ethnic boundaries. Until now, Toronto’s diversity has been viewed in terms of silos: a Chinatown here, a Tamil enclave there. But true diversity occurs when we interact—and there’s nothing more interactive than sex.
Our city is so blasé about racial mixing and matching that no one bothered commenting on the ethnicity of Adam Giambrone’s side dish. Was the secret girlfriend who met him for trysts on his city hall couch Filipino? South American? Who cares? The only time the “R” word was mentioned was in this context: Giambrone exits mayoral race.
Toronto has more couples in mixed unions than anywhere else in the country. Looking at the latest stats, I have to pinch myself.
I was born in Montreal more than half a century ago, and at the time it was Canada’s most cosmopolitan city. How cosmopolitan? Let’s put it this way: I was the one and only vis min in my church choir. At Montreal West High, a public Anglo school, there were just three non-WASPs in my entire grade: a black girl, a Jewish boy and myself. As my graduation prom neared, my mother began pressuring me to go with a nice Chinese boy. Alas, there weren’t any in the vicinity, nice or otherwise.
Inter-racial mixing is common in Urban areas.
Older white women are threatened by interracial mixing because it limits their ability to date.
if you had to choose between a slim elegant chinese woman and an older white matron who would you choose?
August 4, 2010 at 9:43 pm | by kritaGreat article! I’ve noticed a lot of these trends develop over the past few years myself. I agree with most of your comments and find that the change of demographics to be exciting and advantageous to Toronto as the world itself is mixing at the same time. The boundaries your boys have set for themselves is a perfect example of this.
However, one note. Your belief about new arrivals clinging to the past, hijab and ceremonial dagger. Since it is a belief, I would highly disagree. Many new arrivals do come burdened with the past, not all. But the hijab, ceremonial dagger and inter-religious are not “Old World” values. They are either tradition or religion. Attending Sunday Service isn’t an “Old World” value is it? Their traditions are different and that is that. I attend Service, my wife goes to the Mosque. Co-existance is possible and the discouragement against mixed marriages, well THAT is an “Old World” value.
August 4, 2010 at 10:28 pm | by TerrenceKrita, your racist comment is, well, racist – pure stereotype, not fact.
August 5, 2010 at 8:39 am | by white womanEditors, surely it warrants deletion!
I feel Krita’s comment is more perplexing that truly racist. What can it possibly mean?
August 5, 2010 at 9:26 am | by andrewHi Grace,
Did you see this already? See page 2, RBC’s diversity dialogues programme. Thought you might find that interesting from a settlement perspective…
Zee
August 5, 2010 at 11:12 am | by GraceHey Lin,
Read Jan Wong’s latest article re: mixed race marriages. I read a couple of sentences for Brent…
Zee
August 5, 2010 at 11:16 am | by LinThis is a lovely love letter to Toronto. And yes! One of the things I loved about returning to Toronto after multiple years abroad was riding the subway and seeing all of the mixed race couples.
August 5, 2010 at 3:07 pm | by JToday, Chinese middle class women are slimmer, wealthier(business minded) and younger than white middle class women.
I am not being racist. I am merely saying that adding young beautiful, rich Asian women to the dating mix puts
August 6, 2010 at 7:55 am | by krita“older white women” at a disadvantage.
Krita, I’d be interested in viewing your statistical analysis that supports your ludicris comments.
August 6, 2010 at 12:17 pm | by pepperNot only are you suggesting all older white women are matronly, you’re also suggesting that only slim women are attractive. I think you’ve been reading one too many fashion magazines.
Krita,
It is disappointing that you decided to take what is a very positive and hopeful article about race in Toronto and mark it with something so mean-spirited.
You say it’s not racist, to refer to Asian women as “slimmer, wealthier and younger”, and white women as “matron”-ly. I say it is and helps in NO WAY to promote racial harmony in our beautiful city. We should be celebrating the fact that we get so much diversity and choice when it comes to dating.
Besides, who says “older white women” are at a disadvantage? Isn’t Toronto also the Cougar capital of Canada?
August 6, 2010 at 12:41 pm | by CaitieI am being neither mean-spirited or racist. I am saying that older white women are uncomfortable with Inter-racial dating because it shrinks the dating pool.
This article has an apologetic tone towards Asians.
Colonialism is over and the Asians no longer need to apologize. Asian women are not nannies.
Chinese women are beautiful and accomplished.
Only 14 women in the world have earned their own 10-figure fortunes, and half of them are chinese! (forbes magazine).
August 6, 2010 at 1:50 pm | by kritaI agree with Krita, and I don’t think that she’s being a racist, at least not like most people when they talk about people of color. She’s simply stating a truth (possibly.)
August 6, 2010 at 4:23 pm | by FantomexSomeone has trouble with math
“The next time a wedding motorcade honks at you, check out the newlyweds: more often than not, the happy couple will be crossing ethnic boundaries.”
More often than not? If the total number is less than 8 per cent, it’s pretty unlikely that our marriages are interracial “more often than not.” Puleeeez
August 11, 2010 at 9:59 am | by JFK“They cling to the hijab or the ceremonial dagger…”
Seriously, are you stupid?
August 13, 2010 at 2:02 pm | by JimmyThe overwhelming majority of the couples are chinese women and white men. I think this speaks more to the self hatred of the chinese women and the fetish of the white men. It’s a perfect match made from colonization and porn.
August 13, 2010 at 2:05 pm | by Carlese