Chantal, Princess Kristen, Melissa and Jori (Image: Four Weddings Canada)
The new Slice reality show Four Weddings Canada follows four brides pulling out all the stops—and claws—to win a dream honeymoon vacation. Each bride will score weddings on the quality of the food, the venue and the dress, but we’re more interested in how awful these women are. Meet the inaugural cast: 24-year-old self-described “princess” Kristen, who plans to have (shocker!) a princess-themed wedding and hates mermaid-style gowns; 39-year-old Chantal, who is planning a soap opera–themed wedding and wears a mermaid-style gown, but hates cash bars; 21-year-old Jori, a country girl whose wedding has a cash bar and Kraft Dinner as a side; and Melissa, a 28-year-old aerobics enthusiast who is planning a traditional Latin ceremony and, turns out, hates Kraft Dinner. Check out who was naughty and who was nice (spoiler alert: no one) in our Brides Behaving Badly report card after the jump.
“Princess” Kristen
Many women want to feel like a princess on their special day; some want to feel like a princess all the time. Kristen is the most obnoxious bride of the bunch: her wedding features a shiny satin gown, a cash bar and chafing dishes packed with hors d’oeuvres that look like they came from the frozen foods section of M&M Meat Shop. These are the trappings of a true princess, naturally—Kate Middleton wishes her wedding looked like this. We see Kristen’s uvula at least three times as she yawns through Melissa’s ceremony. She was likely still tired from the stress caused by Chantal’s gown: “I just can’t get over the mermaid style,” she keeps saying.
Chantal
Chantal is an image consultant and wardrobe stylist. In theory, that means she understands clothing more than most people; in practice, maybe not. She does her fair share of talking smack about the other bridal gowns, despite the fact that she can barely move in her own mermaid-style dress. Chantal is none too impressed with the environmental terrors of Kristen’s wedding, like the smell from a nearby farm, a waterfall and traffic. We were really excited at the prospect of her soap opera–themed wedding, but here it just means tables named after popular soap actors and a boom box blasting the theme song from The Young and the Restless. At the very least we had hoped for Precious the chimp from Passions to make an appearance, or maybe a possessed Marlena Evans impersonator.
Jori
From the get go, Jori is pegged as the Elly May Clampett of the bunch, and she’s perfectly content playing that role. She’s paying only $6,000 for her country wedding (after hers, the lowest budget is Kristen’s, at $25,000), and she’s asking all guests to wear cowboy boots. At other people’s weddings, she asks stupid questions like, “Do you think it’s inappropriate to fan myself with a Bible?” No, it isn’t inappropriate, but it’s also not very smart. A Bible is a thick book; waving it in front of your face will not cool you. Things in the church that might have made a suitable fan: a wedding program, a church bulletin, a fancy bonnet, Jori’s brain farts.
Melissa
Melissa’s so boring that her wedding doesn’t even have a theme! She’s fairly pretty, fairly wholesome and fairly fair. She shows a modicum of bitchiness at Jori’s reception, where she complains about the food—but come on, it’s Kraft Dinner. Her lowest point is when she mucks up the one touching moment of the entire show: Jori’s fiancé says “wawfully” instead of “lawfully” because he’s nervous (aw!), and Jori plays along by doing the same (double aw!). But Miss Stick-Up-Her-Pants Melissa is not impressed: “You don’t want to make a joke of the whole thing.” Shut up, Melissa.
For baiting the other brides with free booze in hopes that they would grade her wedding mercifully and for her unreasonable aversion to Ariel, we declare Kristen to be this week’s Head Bitch in Ceremony. Take our word for it: she was unbearable.
(Oh, and Chantal won the honeymoon.)
Will you be commenting on each of the episodes?
January 5, 2012 at 10:13 pm | by KarenI hope not !
Your comments are not that great… I can’t believe i waste a few minutes commenting… but i am trying to save your job.
January 5, 2012 at 11:10 pm | by FernandoThis article was hilarious!
January 6, 2012 at 5:18 am | by Hey RedAll of the weddings were so awful that it was difficult to choose who lost.
Do the losing brides get paid anything for making fools of themselves?
EXCUSE ME!!!!!! I found this article to be VERY unfair here! Every one has there own opinion no doubt but are you serious here? were you there behind the scenes? were you there for the whole episode? NO you weren’t. It’s called reality tv ok. they edit everything to make more drama out of it to keep viewers glued to the tv. if anything i handled this extremely hard because they in no way did my wedding justice and when i commented to the other girls weddings, i was truthfully doing it in all honesty and i was trying to be very genuine about it….or sorry was i being to much of a “princess”!
January 6, 2012 at 8:02 am | by Kristen VisserKristen, you weren’t a bitch and were right on the money. You should have won.
January 6, 2012 at 9:14 am | by Matthew Evansthank you so much for your comment Matthew :) its just hard to read things like this when im the type of person that does everything in my power to make everyone else happy and i think of other before myself and no where close to being a bitch. thats the last thing i wanted to portray on tv. so this article is hurtful. thanks again!! :)
January 6, 2012 at 9:48 am | by Kristen VisserThis article was awesome!
January 6, 2012 at 11:59 am | by LarissaKristen unless they actually fed you lines, you WERE that bitchy. The best bride won. Cash bars don’t.
larissa thanks for your opinion. that is totally your call and again your entitled to your opinion. fact of the matter is you dont know me personally i think we were all being caddy and if you want to call it “bitchy” but drama is one of the points of the show. oh and i just to put it out there, i had a cash bar before dinner so people didn’t get to drunk. it was open bar all night…
January 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm | by Kristen VisserKristen, you dont have to explain yourself. None of the brides should feel as if they need to explain themselves. you all chose things for your wedding day that suited you and would make your wedding days complete. It is reality tv. viewers feed off the drama. If there wasn’t any drama you would not have articles like this to write or read. but thats what captures everyones attention. so chin up! Doesn’t matter what anyone says….you all just helped to make four weddings that much more entertaining to watch. it was hilarious
January 6, 2012 at 12:24 pm | by LesI’m not going to comment on the opinions of the brides or what may or may not be on the cutting-room floor (as all good TV is edited for a purpose) but I will say this about the show:
1) The show deviates too far from the original American series format to the point where it’s harder to follow
2) If everyone was nice to each other on Reality TV…NO ONE would watch it
3) I’ve been to hundreds of weddings in the last 10 years and out of all of them I’ve learned one lesson: NEVER do a cash bar with two expections! 1, you provide 2-3 drink tickets to ALL guests; 2, religious reasons bar you and most of your family from consuming alcohol.
@Larissa, the best bride didn’t win! Paying the most shouldn’t count for the most since the Soap Opera-theme was a flub.
@Kristen, congratulations! I don’t get the cash before/open after bar strategy, but as a cost-cutting method it does kinda makes sense. And I agree with you that the show feeds off drama and comment you for being honest on national TV.
They voted on each other, so barring producer intervention the four brides can only blame themselves for not finding the right balance of honesty and strategy.
Looking forward to seeing the rest of the season! :D
January 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm | by TomIt’s hard for me to feel bad for how the ladies were portrayed on this show, or in the article. You can’t very well sign up to be on a reality show, especially nowadays when everyone knows these things are edited for maximum drama, and then be surprised offended when you’re portrayed in a less than flattering light. I mean come on, its not like “reality tv” is a new format – this is what they do. Drama gets ratings. Besides, the whole point of that show, from what I could gather from the promos was to promote bitchiness by encouraging the other brides to critique the weddings. It’d be hard NOT to come across as bitchy in that situation.
Like it or not, you signed up for the show, so you have own how you came across on it, for better or worse.
Besides, many brides, who are otherwise lovely people, can seem quite bitchy when their wedding day approaches and the stress builds. I’ve seen it myself and I can tell you, if I were in that position, I wouldn’t want a camera following me around during that period. Oh well, lesson learned for Kristen and the others I guess.
January 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm | by ChrisChris, you took the words right out of my mouth!
I think the most ironic (and funny) thing is, one of the brides is getting upset for people critiquing her wedding when she is on a show all about critiquing other people’s weddings!
January 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm | by Laughingi was not upset about people critiquing my wedding. when people plan and have their wedding, they do it to their own personal taste. what I like, someone else wont like and so on. That’s what makes weddings unique. i am not expecting people to like my wedding, as long as i was happy with it, thats all that matters, just like the other girls. The only problem i had with this article was that i was named the biggest “bitch” when in actuality, we were all harsh to one another and thats not how i am. but that’s cool. its just based on what was portrayed on tv. thats how it goes.
January 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm | by Kristen VisserLMAO
I have to laugh at this. I am actually a Bride on a future episode and not only will I NOT google four weddings to see what people say about me but I can sit back knowing that I AGREED to be on a show that picks and chooses what they air and don’t air. At the end of the day the people at my wedding, myself and husband included, had a wicked time and appreciated my wedding for what it was …. If you’re going to be uptight about things … Being in a reality wedding show probably wasn’t a wise choice. If I look like a bitch on TV then I look like a bitch … I knew that going into it as did everyone else who agreed to be on it.
Bottom line, move on and enjoy being married.
January 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm | by 4weddings_whaaaaThis article was stupid and useless.
January 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm | by Carmen