Jen McNeely | torontolife.com

The final goodbye: this is TIFF.TO, signing off

The accumulated detritus of our TIFF life (Photo by Jen McNeely)

We went into TIFF feeling like a groomed and glowing Jessica Simpson and came out looking like Mickey Rourke after a bender. What begins with clinking glasses of Moët and bumping hips with George Clooney at a Bridle Path mansion descends into glamorous gluttony: Dolce and Gabbana swag littered in a pile of dirty laundry, espresso stains, broken pumps and scattered taxi receipts. We are now ready to trade in stalking Oprah Winfrey for life in the country with a pint-sized pony and some Cookstown greens. It was swell drinking Grey Goose martinis with Clive Owen and hobnobbing with boldface names, complaining to coiffed socialites that our party schedule was maxxed out, but we now find ourselves yearning to float down from the elevated eclipse of seductive fantasy and find solace in googling how to start a hobby farm. Nikki Beach? No thanks; we are dreaming of greeting a Kincardine sunrise with a bowl of oats. Call us extremists, but as TIFF comes to a close, the last thing we want is a free cocktail and cured meat. Just give us a stack of hay to lie in, far away from Yorkville. If we can’t have that, then we’ll settle for an oxygen facial and an afternoon at Body Blitz. That should carry us through until next September, when we’ll be ready to do it all over again.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 21, 2009 | 12:47 pm

The White Stripes under dimmed West Queen West lights: Jack and Meg hit the Beaconsfield

Go west: Jack and Meg White head to Queen Street to celebrate the documentary White Stripes Under the Great White Northern Lights (Photo by James Helmer)

Go west: Jack and Meg White head to The Beaconsfield to celebrate the documentary White Stripes Under the Great White Northern Lights (Photo by James Helmer)

Not only do they dress in the colours of our flag, but the Detroit duo Jack and Meg White of The White Stripes has done what few Canadian bands have ever done: they toured every province and territory (including a show in Iqaluit). A documentary film crew followed them across Canada; on Friday, the elusive ex-husband and -wife were at the Toronto International Film Festival to screen and celebrate the resulting movie, The White Stripes Under the Great White Northern Lights. Note to all high school geography teachers looking for cool cred: this film is a cross-country journey that offers some original perspectives on Canada. If theatrically released, this would be just about the best class trip ever.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 21, 2009 | 11:21 am

Don McKellar talks about lovelorn phone calls, TIFF’s good ol’ days, and inviting strange women to his hotel room

Don McKellar misses Bette Midler (Photo by Karon Liu)

Don McKellar is out to find romance on a modern day cellphone—and if that means being shady in a hotel room, so be it. This is the basic concept of Imaginary Lovers, an art installation consisting of four monitors showing films that McKellar has directed as part of TIFF’s Future Projections series. McKellar also kicked off the festival as a governor for the Talent Lab, had a role in Leslie, My Name Is Evil (the trippy Christian murder film) and starred in Dilip Mehta’s gala premiere, Cooking With Stella. Really, Don, next year you need to step it up.

Considering McKellar’s schedule is so barren, we thought we’d sit down with him and discuss loneliness and love—the themes that intertwine in his voyeuristic videos, most of which feature women of the world professing their love via grainy cellphones.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 18, 2009 | 5:40 pm

Demi Moore requests non-alcoholic beer and Ashton Kutcher plays a paparazzi prank at Ame

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore on the red carpet for the premiere of The Joneses at the Visa Screening Room, during the Toronto International Film Festival on Sunday September 13, 2009 (Photos by James Helmer)

Ame bound: Demi and Ashton at The Joneses premiere (Photo by James Helmer)

When the Rubino brothers—owners of new sushi it-spot Ame (formerly Rain)—hosted a dinner party for the film premiere of The Joneses, they did not expect Demi Moore to request non-alcoholic beer, but ran to find some pronto. Young hubby Ashton Kutcher was A-OK with the ice wine martinis, but became vexed with the blur of flashing cameras. In his typical mischievous manner, Kutcher turned to the paparazzi and said, “I want to be the photographer!” After a quick tutorial, guests were greeted by an aggressive Kutcher behind the lens.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 18, 2009 | 12:58 pm

Shinanigans ensue at Holts Café book bash

Shinan Govani at the launch party for his new book, Boldface Names (Photo by Jen McNeely)

Amid TIFF hoopla, the National Post’s society and celebrity ink slinger, Shinan Govani, held a launch for his book Boldface Names at the Holts Café—an event that seemed to procure more boldface names than Vanity Fair’s tiresome TIFF party the night prior. The event condensed every big schmoozer-boozer in the city, culminating in champagne-induced strategic chit-chat, name-dropping and back-handed gossip.

Few parties in Toronto could hope to pull in so many prominent figures. Here’s a run-down of the crowd: Jeff Stober owner of the Drake Hotel, Amber’s Toufik Tarwa, ever-so-tanned club king Michael King, Zoomer’s Suzanne Boyd, Society dolls Ashleigh Dempster and Amanda Blakley, Ben Mulroney of eTalk, Roots founder Michael Budman, Fashion Television’s Glen Baxter, Hello! Canada’s Ciara Hunt, brash book agent Sam Hiyate, Bustle’s design man Shawn Hewson, PR powerwomen Debra Goldblatt and Natasha Koiffman, actor Kristin Booth, singer Jill Barber, the Globe’s Leah McLaren (who rode her bike into Holt Renfrew) and a sprinkle of hot-to-trot 20-somethings that brought just the right amount of sexiness to mill about the lingerie section.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 17, 2009 | 4:56 pm

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Elevated Oprah takes no chances with security (except sometimes)

Destination unknown: elevator numbers were switched off at the Hazelton when Oprah was changing floors (Photo by Karon Liu)

Going up? O, no you’re not.

When Oprah Winfrey rides the elevator, the numbers go black, or so claims a Yorkville insider we met at the InStyle party. The insider told us that although Oprah fans had swarmed the Four Seasons in hopes of catching their 4 p.m. saviour, the Precious producer was, in fact, staying at The Hazelton. We also learned that when Oprah wanted to go up or down the elevator, FBI tactics were in play: all the elevators went dark so no one could know which floor she was on. To further ensure her safeguard, security would block off the foyer to prevent other guests—A-listers or not—from getting to their room.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 16, 2009 | 5:05 pm

Dignity helps when trying to party with Nicolas Cage, Fergie and Keanu at the InStyle bash

British actor Bill Nighy is mobbed by fans with poor taste in hats outside the Windsor Arms last night (Photo by Jen McNeely)

“We want the king, we want the king!”

At first we couldn’t decipher what the overzealous crowd was chanting, but as we drew closer to the masses outside the Windsor Arms, it became clear that it was not the king they wanted but the Cage. Nicolas, that is. The mob was gaining momentum and force, so when British actor Bill Nighy exited the hotel, an emergency PR situation dominoed: fans surged forward, magazines slapped magazines at Nighy and women on walkie-talkies were frantically trying to locate his driver. Cops had to buffer the mania so Nighy could escape. As he wandered in the direction of Theatre Books, all we could hear him say was “Where the fuck? What the fuck? Fuck!” An intense female wrangler yelled, “Bill—back inside!” She shouted louder, “Bill! Inside, let’s go!” ushering him in haste back in the embrace of the Windsor Arms. By the urgency in her tone, we thought the fans were about ready to rip his flesh off, like a scene from Shaun of the Dead.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 15, 2009 | 7:34 pm

Loo styles of the rich and famous

Based on some recent indecent exposure, we’re thinking the key to TIFF reporting may be camping out next to the lav. The evidence below:

1. Bill Murray may skip his own press conferences, but the actor is fairly in your face when he needs the head. During a whirlwind gala at Roy Thomson Hall, an insider was in a stall catching up on a work call when an abrupt knock was heard at the door.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 15, 2009 | 4:36 pm

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Ed Norton celebrates Leaves of Grass premiere by ignoring media

The fierce Keri Russell (Photo by Jen McNeely)

Last night at Cheval, the famously withdrawn Ed Norton encountered a swarm of reporters upon his arrival to the Leaves of Grass after party. (He was not as lucky as Colin Farrell and Bono, who faced just one journo at their party at Atelier.) Media workers had been camped out for a couple of hours on King Street, but when the recluse arrived he had a snarl on his face that read, “I hate you. All of you.” He declined to walk the red carpet or even glance toward a camera. The party, billed as “Ed Norton Presents,” was really just Ed Norton Pissed.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 15, 2009 | 4:01 pm

50 Cent was performing on a roof but all we got was a leer from Harvey Weinstein

We would have expected the Vanity Fair party, at the Hazelton Hotel’s One, to be ripe with top-tier talent but instead there was only a white-haired Graydon Carter, the Canadian editor-in-chief of the magazine, and bushy eyebrowed Michael Budman, founder of Roots. Tweets tell us that Amy Poehler was there earlier. The DJ had an impressive set list but everyone was too blasé or depleted to dance. Most impressive part of the event? A 15-litre bottle of Moet and Chandon chilling on ice.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 15, 2009 | 3:40 pm

Colin Farrell and Bono manage the impossible: a secret TIFF shindig

Luck o’ the Irish: Colin Farrell and Bono find no media types at the Atelier cocktail hour

Sadly, no paparazzi were invited to Colin Farrell and Bono’s cocktail hour at Atelier last night. In fact, no one even knew that they were there, save one tabloid reporter from Star magazine. He relayed that they were having a grand ol’ time, and that Bono circulated the crowd with ease, most likely because the rest of us story sniffers weren’t there to jam a Dictaphone in his face.

We’ll get you next time, gentlemen.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 15, 2009 | 12:37 pm

Whip It good: Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page at Tattoo Rock Parlour

Rock 'n' roller debry: performers prepare for the Whip It after party (Photo by Jen McNeely)

Rock ’n’ roller derby: performers prepare for the Whip It after-party (Photo by Jen McNeely)

Roller derby chicks whirled around a TTC streetcar outside Tattoo Rock Parlour on Queen West on Sunday, giving the red carpet crowd a terrific tease for the arrival of director Drew Barrymore and homegrown sweetheart Ellen Page to the Whip It after-party. Blaring classic rock tunes and serving up mac and cheese, this was a Hollywood party with a dirty, down-home feel. We stood in line to get a Whip It tattoo branded on our arm and chatted up some of the real-deal derby girls before sneaking into the VIP section to hang with—well, adjacent to—Drew, Ellen, Jason Reitman and Justin Long.

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Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 14, 2009 | 1:00 pm

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Drew Barrymore ditches her Whip It after-party for Sweaty Betty’s

Drew Barrymore behind the bar at Sweaty Betty's

Still a wild child, Drew Barrymore ditched her own party for Whip It (see the red carpet photos here) at Tattoo Rock Parlour for Ossington’s Sweaty Betty’s. We knew that she had been before so pre-TIFF, we chatted with owner Pol-Cristo Williams. “If Drew came back, I wouldn’t be surprised,” he told us. “She had a great time.” It was this quote we remembered when we watched Barrymore, Ellen Page and Justin Long shuffle down the graffiti back alley of Tattoo and pile in an SUV. With no verification, we decided to chance it.

Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 13, 2009 | 8:31 pm

Paul Haggis closes the bar at the Artists for Peace and Justice fundraiser

Charlize Theron is on the board of Artists for Peace and Justice (Photo by Attit Patel)

The opportunity to walk on the set of an undisclosed major picture starring Russell Crowe was sold for $6,000, tea time with Diane Lane went for $3,000 but no invited guest was willing to gamble $5,000 for Casino Royale poker chips, worthy cause or not. Co-hosted by director and writer Paul Haggis and stunning actor Olivia Wilde of House, the charity event for Artists for Peace and Justice (Josh Brolin, James Franco, Oliver Stone and Charlize Theron are on the board) was well attended. Beyond supporting the cause, (helping children in Haiti), we suspect Hollywood also came out to shmooze Haggis, whose credits include Casino Royale, Million Dollar Baby and Oscar winner Crash. In attendance was Sex and The City’s Kim Catrall, the OC’s Peter Gallagher, bad-boy Colin Farrell and Twilight vamp Rachelle Lefevre.

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Toronto International Film Festival 2009

September 13, 2009 | 4:46 pm

We don’t care about the young folks: the Park Hyatt is overrun with stargazing 20-somethings

Bored of the dance: many seemed exasperated with the deluge of short-skirted 20-somethings in Yorkville (Photo by Jen McNeely)

Did Gossip Girl put out an APB directing all 19-year-old girls from the GTA to the Park Hyatt roof? The hotel has been so inundated with stargazers that metal fences are required to block the driveway at night and elevators are crammed with intoxicated 20-somethings vying for a lewd stare from any Hollywood hunk. We managed to squeeze through the human wall (thanks to National Post’s Shinan Govani) and bypass the party crashers to get a glimpse of the hoopla at the Hyatt’s Nikki Beach. Drew Barrymore was sitting pretty on the patio, but a somewhat stunned Elijah Wood was seemingly scared off by the masses of miniskirts and lipstick-stained teeth.