Baby Wars Forum
May 2008 Archive
BATTLEGROUND: PARKS AND PUBLIC SPACES
Katrina Onstad did a great job of capturing the increasingly cavernous divide between those of us who don’t have children and those of us who do—but she was certainly helped by drawing out some amazingly idiotic quotes from a few alarmingly self-justifying parents. I fear for their kids. When parents consider their oversized strollers “payback” on TTC patrons or think it’s OK to shut down one of the few remaining leash-free dog parks in the city because “your dog doesn’t grow up to be a taxpayer,” then their children aren’t learning how to coexist with people who aren’t like them—an essential tool when growing up in an urban environment like ours. It’s pretty childish to consider someone else’s lack of courtesy a justification for one’s own. So maybe these parents aren’t rejuveniling—it seems to me that they’re just people who haven’t really grown up yet themselves. Continue...
BATTLEGROUND: RESTAURANTS AND BARS
As parents of a well-behaved five-year-old son and three-year-old daughter, my wife and I feel comfortable going out to lunch or brunch downtown for the simple reason that our kids are acquainted with the now archaic art of discipline. The old adage “kids will be kids” is great, but not when other people are paying to drink $7 lattes or take in some art. If you are sitting at Shanghai Cowgirl and your four-year-old with the grandiose name wearing the tiny Ramones T-shirt starts screaming, “I don’t want wasabi mayo!” then here’s an idea for you: hang up your hipster hat, drop the New Age child-rearing crap, and actually parent your child. Children don’t need a best buddy from Coolsville who lets them act however the hell they want. They need lots of love and lots of boundaries. So if you’re too lazy to put in the effort and say traumatizing words like “no” and “stop that” to your child, then eat at home. Continue...
BATTLEGROUND: TRANSIT
The “Baby Wars” feature would be better positioned as a piece exposing the differences between considerate parents and inconsiderate ones. Has it not occurred to these self-involved “love me, love my baby” hipsters that there is not a conspiracy against them? I’m a city-dwelling mom of three, and being a “hip” downtown parent has a lot less to do with being entitled to frequent your old haunts than it has to do with taking kids places that are appropriate for kids. As for the woman who is now “paying back” fellow TTC riders by cramming her “big honkin’” stroller onto the streetcar because she couldn’t get a seat when she was pregnant: Get over yourself. You were pregnant, not dying. People were managing to have babies and thoughtfully raise families for centuries before Toronto’s urbanites decided it was cool. Continue...
BATTLEGROUND: SHOPS
I don’t see the point in owning a $1,200 stroller, but I do want to spend time with my child hanging out in an “urban oasis.” Who buys a $5 coffee at 3 p.m. on a Thursday in February? Ask one of the eight new coffee shop owners in my east-end neighbourhood and I bet the answer would be “a stroller pusher.” And yet, I can’t even get my stroller up the stairs. I don’t feel entitled to cart my (rather adorable) child with me to Jamie Kennedy Wine Bar, but I do feel that local business owners should be more accommodating to the local residents whose purchases pay the shop’s rent. The list of inaccessible coffee shops is not only unwelcoming, but it is short-sighted. I don’t drive my SUV to big box stores; I would prefer to get a little fresh air, a little exercise and support my local merchants. My Leslieville neighbours are balking at a Wal-Mart, yet at least companies such as that realize the importance of a change table. I will continue to change my child on a dirty restaurant bathroom floor in my neighbourhood rather than go to a chain restaurant that values families. At some point, however, I will stop apologizing for bringing my child with me to eat my $15 sandwich and drink my $8 beer. Continue...
Baby Wars
In the May issue of Toronto Life, Katrina Onstad’s in-depth feature “Baby Wars” examined the growing tension between the city’s hipster parents and its childless masses. The wars are being fought on a number of battlegrounds, some of which are listed on the left. In this forum, we invite you to read some of the letters we received in reaction to this piece and to share your own opinions, ideas, experiences and advice.
Discussion is welcome, but please keep comments respectful and on-point. Toronto Life reserves the right to edit or delete comments entirely. If you feel a comment is inappropriate, please inform the editors at online@torontolife.com. Featured letters may have been edited for length and clarity. All photographs by Nigel Dickson.
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